


The Draft

by KeiKatayama



Series: Memoir [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: "They lived happily ever after...", Canon Compliant, Choreographing for friends, Kenjirou Minami is still a fanboy, Life and Love, Lit(var), Lots and lots of PDA, M/M, Makkachin - Freeform, Memories That You Call, Quad axels, Retirement, Rydeen, Sexual Content, Shelter (remix), Two years on..., You Only Live Once, Yurio, history maker, katsudon, phichit on ice, pirozhki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-03-21 08:06:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 42,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13736685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeiKatayama/pseuds/KeiKatayama
Summary: At the age of 30, Victor Nikiforov, seven-time World Champion and GPF Gold medalist, retires. He and Yuri agree to an interview with the world's most useless reporter."What are you going to do, now that you've retired?"... Reminisce over everything on the ice.A lot can happen in just a couple of years. Some of it good, some of it bad. Life and Love go hand in hand, and whilst things are never perfect...... it's still more than either Yuri or Victor could possibly have dreamed of.





	1. First Skate - Starting today, I'm yours

**Author's Note:**

> Last edited: 05/05/2018
> 
> Updated reference snapshots

_The Draft_

* * *

FIRST SKATE

_Starting today, I'm yours_

* * *

_Of the two I'm speaking to today, the one I was not expecting is late._

"He probably got stuck chatting to Minami." _My first and currently sole guest chuckles good-naturedly._ "I'll call him, hang on..." _He plucks his phone out deftly but there's no need; I hear running footsteps, and I can tell that my other interviewee has arrived by the look on Victor Nikiforov's face as he looks up eagerly, his name being called out._

"Victor! Gomen!"

 _For a moment I am forgotten, and I watch as Yuri Katsuki practically runs into Nikiforov's arms. The former Japanese figure skater is wincing slightly as he catches his breath, and even as the taller Russian hugs him in greeting he berates him gently._ "Baka, you didn't have to run..."

_I'm in the lobby of Hasetsu Ice Castle, with figure skating's powerhouse couple. This is the place where Katsuki discovered his love of the ice as a child, where he trained to become one of the biggest names in figure skating internationally, and where he now instructs from, having retired two years ago._

"Ano..." _Katsuki scratches his head sheepishly._ "I accidentally did a quad-axel during practice, and landed badly..."

_Two years ago, Katsuki's star was well and truly rising. Made famous by unexpectedly retaining Victor Nikiforov - the then five time Grand Prix Final and World Championship Gold medalist - as a coach, and beginning a riveting rivalry with Yuri Plisetski, Russia's then debuting junior champion. In his second entry into the Grand Prix Final, held in Barcelona, Katsuki won Silver, Plisetski narrowly winning the Gold. He went on to win Silver against Kazakhstan's Otabek Altin at the Four Continents Championship in Taipei; and beat both at the World Championships in Boston for Gold._

_To train for the 4CCs and the Worlds, Katsuki moved to St Petersburg with Nikiforov, practicing alongside Plisetski as the Russian geared towards the European Championships. It was there in Russia, with the season over and preparing for the next, that he misjudged the number of turns for an axel jump during practice, and was rushed to hospital. Katsuki has never confirmed how bad the damage was, but soon after the surgery necessary, they returned to Hasetsu. It's always been suspected that he broke his leg, but Katsuki is naturally very shy, and has previously asked not to talk about it._

_After the fall, their plans drastically changed; a couple of weeks later in a statement, on crutches and his leg in a cast, Yuri Katsuki announced his retirement due to the injury, citing advisement from his doctors. Immediately after, Victor Nikiforov announced his return to the ice, using the programs they had planned for Katsuki's follow-up._

_It would be regarded as Nikiforov's most challenging year to date; that summer was spent split between supporting Katsuki's recovery and preparing for his comeback, and he hadn't skated to someone else's choreography since he was a junior competitor. To boot, he had been out of competition for an entire year, and was the eldest on the ice - Plisetski is his junior by twelve years. It made for lacklustre interviews - a lacklustre performance even - at the Trophée du France, his first Grand Prix assignment, as Katsuki did not attend. However Nikiforov transformed into his old self at the NHK Trophy in Osaka with his coach and partner at the rink's edge. At the Grand Prix Final in Seoul, Nikiforov reclaimed the World Record for the Short Program score from Plisetski, and returned to form by racking in the Golds again._

_As for Plisetski, he has previously stated that that year was also his worst to date, torn between empathising for Katsuki, his own hungry ambition, and struggling to get out of Nikiforov's shadow. So, with neither adversary, it will be interesting to see if he will lack the motivation to return to the top of the podium. Both Nikiforov and Katsuki grin at the prospect. They are both eagerly awaiting Plisetski's solo season._

_Last year Nikiforov gave a statement saying that this season would be his last, and after winning his final Gold medal at the World Championship in Milan, a month after winning Gold at the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, he confirmed that he was happy, and done. I'm meant to be discussing that, his definitive retirement, at the age of 30, from competitive figure skating. But Nikiforov -_ "Victor, please!" _\- is in a reminiscent mood, and it's infectious. It is, after all, three years since a certain Youtube video went viral._

"Can you imagine what our lives would be like if that hadn't happened, if the triplets hadn't filmed and uploaded that video?!" _Victor gushes, grinning widely at Katsuki. Katsuki's eyes widen, but not with Victor's enthusiasm. He doesn't want to imagine that, I guess._

Tell me about the video _, I invite._

_The two look at each other, and I sense a whole conversation happens in silence before my eyes. I wonder... is it in English, the international bridging language that Katsuki, a student in Detroit for five years, and Victor, who has spent over half his life on the professional sportsman circuit, are both fluent in? Or is it Russian or Japanese, which they have both been learning for the sake of the other, and randomly drop into sometimes in order to speak privately in front of me? Finally Victor nods his head to Katsuki, who smiles and pushes his glasses up, and goes first._

"Well..."

* * *

**Ano... I'm not sure where to begin...**

**Daijōbu! Sure you want to go first? You never like talking about yourself with journalists.**

**Whereas you love talking about yourself a bit too much with anyone...**

**Hai, but you love me anyway!**

**... Zatknis'.**

**It's fine! Just start where you want and go from there.**

**Hai-hai. Ē to...**

* * *

* * *

I remember this so vividly.

I was already descending from the track when I saw a glimpse of my former glory. Both literally and figuratively.

The posters everywhere in the station  **[And the bunting]**... I looked... ugh... I was reaching out towards my dreams in them. How cliché. That's what I'd had in mind when that still was taken, when I was several sizes smaller and several stone lighter and my soul feeling nowhere near that heavy. It had been a horrible, humiliating season, with too much deep-fried food and too many days hidden under my duvet and not enough exercise to justify either. The posters  **[Don't forget the bunting]**... hai... were a sharp reminder of how far I had strayed and how lost I felt. I was so naive... I think... I thought that I would be able to escape by going home.

**[Escape from what?]**

Well... it was back to a life before... before the failed season, before I wasted five years of my life in the US training for nothing. Somewhere safe where I could soak in my family's onsen, and skate with my friends under the castle. In my head, back to a life before social media, and escalators even. It was home... the heat of the baths warmed my bones, the katsudon I'd missed so much filled the empty hole inside, and Yuuko-chan opened the rink up to me like always. My things were still in my bedroom... if I tried hard enough, I could make myself feel like I'd never left. I'd never gone to university and trained with Celestino, I'd never fallen on the ice so many times right before m-my hero, and I'd never cried in the toilet stall and had Yurio shout in my face that I was an idiot.

**[And you'd never pole-danced with Chris.**

**... Hai.]**

The illusion never lasted. The triplets were a lot bigger, louder and geekier than I had last seen them as screaming babies, more onsens had shut in my five year absence, Mari-neechan had more piercings in her ears... and Vicchan...

Still, there were the reliefs that I'd hoped for. And I'd found catharsis in studying, learning, and performing Victor's program... Segoi. It felt amazing, doing it.

I loved that program,  _Stay Close To Me_ , everything about it. I loved how physically taxing it was, particularly... given how overweight I was... yet every movement felt like natural expression. I loved the music, loved finding out more about it. I learnt that Victor made very specific requests for the lyrics, and the Italian translation made the words seem other-worldly, like a song from a dream. And then when translated... I wondered who he could hear weeping... why he felt abandoned... who he was afraid of losing... whose hands and legs he was so beguiled by...

* * *

**Ne, Victor... who was the song about?**

**Originally? No one really. An idea of a random face in a dream that I'd hoped to meet. Don't look at me like that, honestly it wasn't about anyone.**

**... 'Originally'?**

**Well... by the time I got to the Worlds... it was about brown eyes, blue grasses, and half-naked pole dancing.**

**Heh, don't remind me again... chotto... EH?! NANI?! It... it was... _watashi_?!**

**Mochiron!**

* * *

* * *

 When I got asked the question, I made up the answer. I knew, as the question was being asked, that I didn't know, and pretended to think about it, stroking my chin contemplatively... buying for time. Reel out some PR bullshit like they were expecting, or tell the truth, or... I wasn't sure what other options I had. Maybe...

_What do you have in mind for the next season?_

... Spend time with my dog?

I bring this up because this is what I was thinking about when Chris messaged me.

I was on the ice, free skating to  _On Love_. The fact that I can't remember whether it was  _Agape_  or  _Eros_  should tell you how far into my own thoughts I was, and how difficult I was finding it to finish either... How far away from the themes I actually was. I'd even forgotten to put my phone on silent.

I was unsure which I wanted to explore and express; the awe in  _Agape_ , or the salivation of  _Eros_. They both felt... overly familiar to me. I'd done both, or notes of both, in my skating before. I knew that the programs that were forming were good - I enjoyed them, and knew that I could perfect them for competition - but... they didn't feel new. I wanted something different, something truly challenging...

I kept thinking about my early years, both starting as a dancer and then as a competitive figure skater. I'd come a long way from there, was very proud of my achievements, but... I knew that there were far fewer hurdles ahead to traverse than had been cleared behind me, and it had been much more exhilarating at the beginning. I wanted that, was chasing that, but couldn't find the right inspiration to turn it into a narrative, into a program. That would have suited me when I was raw, un-molded, unfinished. But I still had things I wanted to develop - my stamina for one, so that I could push my jumps back for higher scores - and... things that I wanted to experience. I didn't want agape or eros on the ice. I wanted them off.

I also wanted to go home and take Makkachin for a walk. He was dosing by my bag at the edge of the ice. Yakov had told me several times to stop bringing him to practice, but when I was home I didn't like leaving him. I only noticed that I'd had a message because Makkachin barked at me - I had far better discipline than to be checking social media during practice - but I was due a break. I turned the music off, gave Makkachin a treat, and checked my phone.

DUDE!!! HAVE YOU SEEN -

Was the preview on the home screen. Tapping the link, frowning, not entirely sure what I ought to expect, I put my headphones on, and watched the video Chris had sent me.

And hit replay. And again.

The epiphany I'd had about exhilaration - which could have pushed me either way towards  _Agape_  or  _Eros_  - was forgotten.

I got off the ice, took off my skates, and went home. I watched the video on my walk to my apartment, Makkachin barking if he thought I was going to walk into something or someone, him leading me. I watched it again with my coat still on, my boots still on when I got in. I had a shower, and watched it again in just a towel.

A part of me was... PISSED.  **[Eeeeh?!]** I mean... what the-?! That was  _my_  program he'd just copied! Flawlessly, as flawlessly as someone with that much donut-fat can! Where the  _hell_  did that come from?! If Yuri could skate like that,  _WHY HADN'T HE ALL SEASON?!_

**[... Heh-heh-heh...]**

I wanted to see Yuri skate like that forever. I knew that  _immediately_. Even with a gut and cellulite, I thought he looked beautiful. I remembered, painfully, both when he walked away from me in Sochi, like I was something he was afraid of, with emphasis on  _something_  not  _someone_ , and... the banquet. That boy could dance... it was god damned intoxicating, addictive, and utterly satisfying yet tantalisingly  _not_. Seduction and rejection... Yuri... kono baka...  **[Gomen...]**

I watched it again, clothed, with Makkachin snoozing on my lap. I knew... I knew the answer to the question at the end of the Worlds...

_What do you have in mind for the next season?_

I'm going to book a flight to Fukuoka, pack up my things, arrange for my dog to come too, be Yuri Katsuki's coach, and he's going to win the Grand Prix Final gold medal.  
Bye! Dasvidaniya!

Oh, and tell my own coach I wasn't competing that year. Possibly the next year too.

I should say this: I am not, contrary to general opinion, an impulsive person. I mean, I am, but over small things, little things. If a friend hands me a shot I'm not going to say no, if I see something pretty I'll skip to the till, and I'll get that bar of chocolate. But over things like this? What kind of mad person do you take me for? This was more than impulse.

I  _knew_. It was like an epiphany, _enlightenment_ even. This was my path. This was what I was supposed to do. This was what was right. It was as close to Fate as I can believe (I have worked too hard in my life to be as good as I can be, to be the best, to believe that it was all the machinations of something unseen).

I watched it again in the departures lounge, taking notes. He needed to lose weight. I was going to have to figure out, quickly, how it was that he could jump and land perfectly like that without an audience, without pressure, without even being aware he was being filmed, but not when it counted on the stage. And...

 _Why_ had he done this? I landed in Incheon, my stop over, and watched it again. Such... reverence... I knew that I had my fans, but... It was simultaneously the biggest ego boost and... incredibly humbling. Someone who I saw as my equal as a fellow skater, my potential surpasser even... thought this highly of me...

_Wow._

* * *

**Awe, I love it when your cheeks go that red.**

**... Shutupshutupshutup...**

**I love your god-triplets, the fabulous trip-otakus... I'm so glad that they hijacked their mother's Twitter account.**

**Watashi mo... watashi mo.**

**Social media's so awesome. Did you know that it took less than a minute to figure out where you lived? I put you into Google, figured out you were from Kyushu from your competition history, and scrolled down to find Yu-Topia run by the Katsuki family, with a picture of your parents. Done! By the time you were finding out that the Youtube video had gone viral, that it existed at all, I had people putting things into Ced-ex boxes to ship out overnight, and I was about to head to the airport! Even though you were five hours ahead of me, in the time it took me to check-in, get drunk at the bar in Pulkovo International, be seated, take-off, watch in-flight movies and eat something vaguely edible, land in Incheon, connect, have my in-flight drink, pick up my bags and Makkachin, get a taxi, check-in to your parents' onsen, get naked and into the water outside, you... what did you do again?**

**... Hai. I was... I was asleep.**

**The look on your face though... _worth it_.**

* * *

To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Thank you for making it this far! Please, humour me, and go a little further.
> 
> I've already posted this work on Fanfiction.net, but sadly I think it is time to migrate from the site. I've been on there for over twelve years... now I feel old. It has been re-edited for posting here, so there'll be some changes from that version.
> 
> So, a couple of things. Apologies, but I'm using the spellings given in the subtitles of the series - Yuri, Victor. I've only watched the Japanese dubbing (I don't speak the language, to learn in on the bucket list), so as much as possible I've based the language on their speech patterns here and there, except this is where it's going to get confusing.
> 
> As much as possible, I've tried to set this piece in a realistic world. In that realistic world, English would be the bridging language between practically everyone, particularly amongst elite sportsmen. I really can't imagine that Victor showed up in Hasetsu - already an incredibly impulse move - already knowing Japanese. Why on earth would he know Japanese? Likewise, why would Yuri know Russian? Ergo, English.
> 
> There are other little points about realism that I'm sticking to. You'll find those later.
> 
> Ooh, and I'll give you fair warning: as you will already have surmised, Yuri in the show is not a reliable narrator. Be prepared to not treat every word I write as gospel. Besides, it's all made up anyway! Specifically, this work is meant to go in a direction that will hopefully be different from where the creators will take these wonderful characters in the film they're developing.
> 
> Anyway, I'm now babbling, so... onwards!
> 
> (Last thing: all images are... well, they're all stills of Yuri!!! ON ICE, but they've been sourced from all over the internet now. Thank you Google...)


	2. Second Skate - Exactly what I like

_The Draft_

* * *

SECOND SKATE

_Exactly what I like_

* * *

"Even when he was  _fat_  he was so cuuuuuute!"

_I feel the reactive flinch go through Katsuki as he leads me round the rink._

_An embarrassing confession: I'm a complete novice at skating, and by that I mean that I have tried to learn many times before, actually managed to get going, had fun, and then I got nervous and I forgot the next time. So I have one of Japan's greatest former champions holding me up so I can learn how to balance properly, and I get a prime view of the long-suffering look on his face, but he keeps quiet as Victor continues teasing him anyway, concentrating on making sure that I don't fall flat on my arse._

"But his cheeks are still so round..." _And the Russian glides up to us, resting his hand on Katsuki's face, answering my silent question; which cheeks was he referring to...?_

How long did it take for -?

"Immediately."

_Oh. Katsuki - it feels overly familiar to address him as Yuri - fixes me a weary, knowing look. I guess he's been asked this before; 'how long did it take for Victor to start hitting on you?'_

_The story of how Victor Nikiforov told Yuri Katsuki he was going to be his coach is legendary, as in the past the Russian champion has absolutely_ loved _telling people it (butt-naked, standing proudly in the outside bath tub, in the snow, whilst Katsuki was fully clothed, overweight, and his jaw was on the ground). Less than a month later, Katsuki was back to his original weight from nearly a year prior through - and you can consult Victor's own Instagram account for this - a combination of spending nearly every waking minute on ballet, calisthenics, running on the sandy beach, and zero seconds actually skating. Just in time for Yuri Plisetski, the Ice Tiger of Russia, to join them._

 _Plisetski - now eighteen and rumoured to be currently producing his own program for the first time - has always been extremely tight-lipped, but when asked about his time in Hasetsu, even more so. Intriguingly however he has never said a bad word about the place, despite saying many bad words about many other things. It's understood that his time staying with Katsuki's family with Victor ended in humiliation, despite an arguably superior performance at the_ Onsen On Ice _exhibition that Victor staged to determine which Yuri he was going to coach that season._

 _I spot a sly look on Victor's face when I mention the_ Eros VS Agape _competition, and he smiles in apology to Katsuki first._ "I was always going to pick Yuri over Yurio anyway..."

 _Katsuki comes to an abrupt halt, and back-tracks quickly to stop me from falling over._ "Huh?!"

 _Victor looks at him like he's an idiot._ " _Of course_ I was always going to do what I wanted to do!" _He laughs at the reverse notion._ "To do otherwise would never have worked anyway! Yurio needed to grow, he still does; he would never have done so under my shadow if I had coached him. Even when you were both listening to  _Eros_  and  _Agape_  for the first time, on this ice, he was already shutting off opportunities. But you... even though it didn't immediately match your temperament, you could appreciate  _Eros_. And he was so _spoilt_!" _Victor laughs affectionately._ "Who did he think he was, demanding that I return to Russia for his sake?! Ha _ha_! No-no, it would  _never_  have worked! Whereas you... well..." _And Victor smiles, amusement replaced with pure affection._ "You just wanted... katsudon." _Katsudon? Victor turns to me with a wink._ "You'll try it later, you'll see."

 _Okay... I glance at Katsuki. I get the impression, just from the blushing smile on his face, that there was more to it than just pork, egg sauce and rice. But I let that be for a while, and backtrack:_ what did you first think of each other?

_They both giggle before they can stop themselves. Huh?_

* * *

**CAN I GO FIRST THIS TIME?!**

**...**

* * *

* * *

Yuri was... he really was so cute! I could almost hear him screaming in his head, and he was so shy and awkward. I liked him immediately. So did Makkachin, which sold it. I liked  _everything_ ; the onsen, the food, his parents and his sister, Minako, Ice Castle, Yuuko and Nishigori and their otaku triplets, the man fishing on the bridge... What a wonderful place to call home, to have come from and be able to return to! By admiring Hasetsu, I began to understand Yuri better.

After all, I barely knew him, I was having to realise. I knew him as a messy contradiction, as the blushing, google-eyed fan boy I'd first met as the Sochi Grand Prix Final started, who genuinely couldn't say a word to anyone, let alone me. Then I knew him as the skater whose spins and steps were of the stuff we all aspire to, but who lacked the confidence to land his jumps consistently. Later, the totally flamboyant, outrageous, ludicrous pole dancing drunkard that made my stomach want to dance... and finally I knew the humiliated shell of a man who couldn't look me in the eye and meet me as my equal.

I'd hoped to get to know the second and third young man. Instead I found the first and last, and struggled to find the others. He shied away when I flirted with him, shrank before my brazen nudity, and tightened up when I asked curious questions.

I don't regret it, but I really should have gone about it differently! I was there to be his coach, not to have a sleep over! I knew right from the beginning that I wanted everything that he could give me, and I wanted to know right from the beginning  _what_  he could give me. Given how flirtatious he was, drunk at the Sochi Banquet, I was surprised to find it was far less than I had expected, as he literally ran away from my touch. Surprised and... I had to hide that I was... disappointed.

But he never said 'no'. When I said I was going to be his coach, he never argued. Blinked, and forgot to breathe, had his occasional tortoise moments, but he never turned me down.

Of course, I wouldn't have done any differently really, but I made other mistakes. After he disappeared from Yurio's first night (the boy was asleep already, no stamina), I looked in the wrong places. I thought he would have wanted familiar company with Minako at her snack bar; I should have guessed he would have sought solace on the ice under the trusted guard of the Nishigoris.

I have always loved being surprised by him. His determination - to lose weight, get back in shape, return to the ice, to meet my expectations - was, in itself, alluring. That stamina of his really does set him apart from his peers, even from me, even when he was a chubby piglet.

As for Yurio... whilst he interrupted my time with Yuri, it was nice to see him anyway, just for the comparison. Yuri's total opposite; ruthlessly and single-mindedly ambitious, loud, rude. He reminded me of myself when I was his age, although I've always had much better manners. Maybe it's because I'm a dog person.

I really wasn't going to do as I was told. I did remember my promise, that I'd been pushed into giving, but hadn't expected that Yurio would care so much. He would always, _always_ have stood a better chance of fulfilling his ambitions with Yakov than with me. I knew, from the moment that Yurio poo-pooed the concept of  _Agape_ , that I could tip the scales in Yuri's favour by assigning him the opposite.

Besides, I really wanted to see if Yuri could seduce me again. You've seen his  _Eros_. Can you blame me?

Hmm, another mistake. The difference that three years makes, I can see so many blunders now. After all... neither of them were ordinary or mediocre, huh?

* * *

* * *

I really did put him on a pedestal, didn't I?

Victor, as I got to know him, very quickly, was far more than the ethereal elf that he evoked on the ice that I had admired for over a decade. The Victor Nikiforov that I had worshipped and been inspired by was a persona of perfect acting and calculation, of charm and aloofness, sly and unreal. Now, after all this time, I don't begrudge him my naivety. Then however, when he first arrived in Hasetsu, planting himself into my world where little could make me anxious, he was... well...

For starters, he was... kind of... needy.

**[... Huh?]**

I mean, what... what was he doing, trying to sleep - I assume he just meant  _just_ sleep, not... y'know! - together his first night?! He'd been travelling overnight from Russia, was jet-lagged from the five hour difference closer to the rising sun, and... he already wanted to know what my comfort food was? And all the probing questions that followed... h-heh... Even my own mother didn't explicitly know that I'd never had a girlfriend! She  _still_ doesn't explicitly know that!

It made him seem... ordinary. But... not.

... I'm explaining this badly.

**[No you're not. I get you.]**

It was... endearing. I was still in complete shock that he was really there, that he really wanted to coach me, regardless of how far to, but... when it finally dawned on me that I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life - by then, anyway - I... I went with it. Even if it was a dream, I'd run with it, and hope to God that I didn't wake up.

I'm still doing that, even now... Ow! Why are you pinching me?!  **[To prove you're awake,** **dorogoy.]** Eh...

Victor was... goofy. Dorky, even. Polite to a fault. And _funny_. I was in such denial at the time I couldn't laugh though, but when I think back on it... the way he reacted to his first katsudon... teehee, 'vkusno!'

**[Ooh, that reminds me, Victor? Where did you learn to use chopsticks? I remember Yurio asked for a fork...**

**Huh? Hmm, I can't remember. It was just something I picked up from touring. Lot of events in China, Korea, and Japan. Yurio's learnt too now, you taught him in Seoul, remember?**

**Ah, wakatta.**

**_Yu-ri_...**

**Nani...? Oh, sureishimas'...]**

I'm still getting used to how to-the-point he can be. It can be a bit insensitive sometimes, but... it's as though...

Drama is for the ice, for skating, but off... Complexity and subtlety are part of life, but... I'm explaining it badly again.

My point is that there was no hidden agenda behind his flirting, or even his coaching. He... he really did want m-me...  _ohmygodohmygodohmygod_... He never explicitly said it, but it really wasn't like he was trying to hide it. He really did want to get to know me, really did want to coach me to do my best, really did want to... to... umm... sleep with... heh...

**[Breathe, Yuri...**

**H-hai...]**

... A-Anyway...

He was also surprisingly down-to-earth. Everyone liked him; Oka-san, Oto-san, Mari-neechan, Minako-sensei, Yu-chan, Nishigori-kun, of course Axel, Lutz and Loop. The other patrons at Yu-Topia, he treated them all, in a messy mix of English and the limited Japanese that I slowly taught him, like they were uncles or family friends, just like they all treat me like a nephew. Victor had no airs, never ever treated any of us like he was better than us. I remember when Oka-san asked him if he would like to do up his room, as he would be staying a while; he was so touched. Then he dragged me to IKEA in Fukuoka, and spent a ridiculous amount of money in the lighting section alone.

We all melted in his aqua eyes. I had never imagined he'd be like that, so fun-loving and open, so far removed from the god on the ice that I had always seen him to be. The god had no actual personality; Victor though was so daftly human. It was impossible to not like him, even if it was incredibly nerve-wracking.

For me, this will always be how I met Victor, not in a drunken haze barely able to tell up from down in Sochi. I'll never ever forget him rising from the water, flourishing his arm, and winking at me... that was so... I mean, it was shocking at the time, but... oh my god... it was the sexiest moment of my life (again, only by then).

Not least because, whilst you got the fountain, my view wasn't obscured... Victor, stop grinning, it's distracting...

Ahem...

I was surprised how jealous I was when Yurio appeared and I saw how at ease Victor was with him, their relationship already pre-established. Yurio pointedly spoke Russian a lot of the time, and every now and then I would pick up the odd word and realise what he was talking about, like at Ice Castle when he insisted that Victor return to Russia; the country name, his tone of voice, and his arm gestures easy enough to translate. Victor made a point of speaking in English anyway, or the odd bit of Japanese he had learnt, like saying  _ohayōgozaimasu_ to the fisherman on the bridge every morning, but... that kindred language made me feel... vulnerable. It made me feel like I was going to lose, that of course Victor would choose to go home.

Silly to think it now, because of how things turned out, but also... not once has Victor ever treated Yurio, or anyone for that matter, like he treated  _me_. He never touched him like he would me, never looked at him like he did me... like I was extraordinarily fascinating, to the point where he would look disappointed if I couldn't open up. Even when I said what I wanted in return for performing  _Eros_  with all I had and then some, his reaction was miles apart from his reaction to Yurio's demand. It made me glad, that he looked like... like coming to Hasetsu was the best decision of his life.

**[... Da, eto bylo.]**

As for  _Eros_  and  _Agape_... I'm really glad I didn't skate to  _Agape_  after all, even though I could interpret it so easily at first. I... I was quickly realising that I didn't want to be so innocent, so unknowing of what love was. I wanted to know, I wanted... I wanted Victor to teach me. I struggled with  _Eros_  at first because I had never experienced it, couldn't identify with that physical burning, that sense of the body mastering the mind. I could see the perfect fit of Victor's choreography for himself, and was learning in Hasetsu his  _Agape_  too, could see why he had struggled to pick one over the other.

I'm getting off track again. The reason I'm glad I didn't do  _Agape_  was because I didn't want to  _be_  it. I never set out in life to be a virginal hermit, I just... kind of ended up that way. I was always so focused on dancing and skating because I loved them, so I never really learnt how to meet other people; my friendships are all within the context of skating. I always thought I was a fairly normal introvert; I never needed to question that side of me. Girls like Yuuko-chan were cute, sort of like how Vicchan always made me smile when I saw him, and guys like Nishigori were a bit intimidating sometimes, and men like Victor... could make my gut do weird things.

Even three years on, at twenty six, I'm still learning what  _Eros_  is to me, other than pork cutlet bowl. But... I'm pretty sure now that everyone else is trying to figure that out for themselves too. It was lonely, thinking otherwise.

* * *

To be continued...


	3. Third Skate - Sexiness = Food that Gods eat

_The Draft_

* * *

THIRD SKATE

_Sexiness = Food that Gods eat_

* * *

_Three years ago, I was at university in London, studying to be a journalist, trying to figure out what kind of journalist I wanted to be. Even then though, I was into sports. Not participating, I hasten to add, nor into things like football or rugby or tennis. The London 2012 spectator effect, I always think. I came to the Winter Olympic sports late, but by then I was aware of Victor Nikiforov, enough to be one of millions worldwide who watched Katsuki's rendition of_ Stay Close To Me _. On the other side of the world however, I missed the hype of the Yuri VS Yuri competition; figure skating is not as big in the UK as it is in Japan. For this interview I did some research, of course, and found Yuuko Nishigori's Twitter account. It's really obvious when her daughters hijacked it; no wonder she eventually caved and let them have their own accounts._

 _In PR terms,_ Onsen On Ice _was utterly inspired. The rivalry between the two Yuri's, or certainly the narrative of it from the outside, started here in Hasetsu. I had no idea that, for Katsuki and Nikiforov, not only did that rivalry never really exist except in Hasetsu, it ended for them here too, and if it did exist, it began in a toilet stall in Sochi._

"Honestly I don't think I really properly thought about Yurio until I saw him again in Moscow," _Katsuki admits sheepishly._ "I was concentrating on my own programs, so the only times I thought of him were when Yuuko-chan mentioned him. She said he got quite a work out as a prima ballerina. I just hoped that he was doing alright."

_As Victor shrugs, conveying he didn't do much more than that either, I wonder if Plisetski would agree. It's kind of a let down that the rivalry was only ramped up in the imaginations of their fans, but... Plisetski's skating has never been better than his debut year, the year he was up against Katsuki. Since, whilst his skating can barely be faulted, it has lacked... oomph. I think of the torturously difficult routines he pulled off to win in his debut year... for the most part, he's not really tried so hard since._

_Knowing now that Victor never intended to coach Plisetski sets me wondering many other things too. If that was the case, was the_ Agape _program a consolation? Did he intend it as such?_

"Not at all!" _Victor amiable corrects._ "Yurio did originally ask for me to choreograph a program for him, so I suppose I fulfilled that bargain, but  _Agape_ , and  _Eros_ , really were originally for me; I never had any thought that anyone else would perform them."

"Better than you even."

_... Huh?_

_Both Victor and I stare at Katsuki in surprise, but he fixes Victor with a pointed look, and Victor concedes._ "Ugh... hai, hai... Yurio was better than me." _And Katsuki smiles, and I sense him reach out for his partner commiseratingly behind my back on the bench. I'm astonished that Katsuki has stood up for Plisetski, who earned a World Record score with_ Agape _at the Grand Prix Final. For his World Championship, Katsuki came a whisker away with_ Eros _, paving the way to his Gold, and then Victor took the record back a year later: 119.58, having spent the season making Katsuki's programs his own. In the figure skating world, we are all eagerly awaiting to see who will make it over the 120 point bar._

 _I really want to talk about that short program, but both Victor and Katsuki are still reminiscing further back. We're sitting on a bench outside of Ice Castle; the castle is behind us, the river below and before us, and I can hear traffic cross the bridge. Victor and Katsuki sit on either side of me, admiring the view. When we sat down to admire the sunset over Katsuki's home town, he told me that he uses this bench to train. It's a beautiful spot, even with the trees now bare and the final sakura of the year spinning around our feet. Katsuki also admits he once looked out over this same view, wondering what it would take for him to return to skating after his weight gain, unaware that by then his rendition of_ Stay Close To Me _was already on the internet and racking up views, being shared and retweeted across the globe. Within days Victor would arrive, providing the impetus Katsuki needed to kickstart a fierce regime to be ice-ready. Within a month,_ Onsen On Ice _was hosted by Victor and the Nishigori triplets at Ice Castle._

_Unsure of what to make of the event, no other key figures attended, bar one of Katsuki's biggest cheerleaders, presenter Hisashi Morooka, along with hundreds of local supporters. Watching the footage of the event back, it's obviously clear that both Yuris took their performances to an entirely different level by the time they got to the Grand Prix Final that year; that this was just the warm-up. Plisetski himself has admitted that his performance at the exhibition was his worst ever, and looking closely, it is possible to see why. At the beginning, the wrong emotions are on show; greed, competitiveness, arrogance, sliding drastically into shame; the grimace on his face is not from concentration, but genuine exertion and discomfort when he realised that he'd automatically pandered to the audience, wanting to show off, rather than express the agape that is so vibrantly on display when he broke the WR._

_In contrast, Katsuki's performance, whilst unpolished, shows erotic promise from start to finish, a narrative of hunger (supposedly literal hunger), flirtation and eventual heartbreak evident. It was a good place to start._

"Oh, so ka... Victor, what was the next stage?" _Katsuki asks curiously._

"Hmm?"

"When Yurio found his agape in practice, you said he was ready for the next stage. What was it?"

 _Victor looks at him blankly for a moment before catching on._ "Oh yeah... I meant he was ready to go home!"

"Huh?" _Both Katsuki and I share a look of confusion._

"He had me worried for a moment though," _Victor continues confessing._ "When he found his agape, I thought I might have run out of excuses to claim he'd lost by default. Your katsudon idea proved you were committed, whilst all he was committed to was winning. That's no bad thing, but in which case Yakov was going to be the best to help him with that. Yurio proved that with his performance: it was good, really good, but no better than he had been when he arrived. He had learnt nothing. Yours however had grown leaps and bounds, literally. I would have picked you anyway."

 _Even though Victor smiles across at him, Katsuki glares at him._ "Baka." _And Victor laughs, not disagreeing. But his laughs slowly dissipate, leaving him looking guilty._

"I am sorry that it ended that way though, with Yurio. I should have said goodbye, but I figured he wanted to save face. He knew he'd lost, just by looking at my face."

_What does he mean by that?_

* * *

* * *

There he was...

I'd hoped from the beginning that Yuri would recapture the muse that inspired him on the pole in Sochi, that  _Eros_  would bring him out of his shell. I was starting to worry that Yuri was a lot more innocent of the concept of  _Eros_  than I had realised. That maybe, when I asked him about crushes on women and past girlfriends, he was saying 'no comment' because he really had none. Or boyfriends, even.

That meant that there was no point in sending him to the temple with Yurio to be purified, so I told myself if he didn't have an epiphany soon I'd just take him out drinking to see if that provided the necessary spark. Then he came out with it.

 _"Wakatta! Katsudon! That's what_ Eros _means to me!"_

It took a moment for me to realise what on earth he was talking about, particularly as seconds before he'd been exhaustedly silent, drooling slightly on the table, sick of beansprouts and broccoli. Then I had to try really, really,  _really_  hard not to laugh. I can't say I blamed him when he quietly made his excuses and all but sprinted out of the room and out of the house. Guessing where he was going, I gave Makkachin a nudge to follow him again.

Alone, his head still on the table, Yurio raised an eyebrow, narrowed his eyes at me suspiciously.

_"Huh."_

_"Hmm?"_

_"Didn't think he was your... type."_

I scoffed, unthreatened and not in the least concerned what Yurio thought of me.  _"What's my motto again?"_

Yurio just groaned wearily, bored of the lecture.  _"Whatever. This had better not be just so that you can get into his tracksuit..."_

I let Yuri go that night, rather than follow too. Whatever Yuri's idea about katsudon was, he needed to follow it on his own. I heard him sneak past to bed late, and I'm sure his steps felt lighter. Good. That night he let Makkachin sleep in his room, rather than disturb me by letting him into mine, though listening, I'm not sure that Makkachin gave him much choice in the matter.

I got nervous. Just as I finished at Nagahama Ramen, Yurio, dragging Yuri behind him, gushed that he'd found his agape in the crushing of the waterfall, that he couldn't wait to show me in the morning. Behind him, Yuri looked... curious. Like he'd seen something he was still trying to make sense of. Outwardly I smiled and congratulated him.

_"Let's go for a drink to celebrate!"_

They both blinked at me.

_"I'm fifteen..."_

_"Ano... I try not to drink during practice..."_

Perfect. I watched them both leave, and finally dropped my fake smile. Crap. Crapcrapcrap. I went out for a drink anyway, bumping into Minako, and got completely sloshed with her. She was pretty funny when she was drunk. Even when she was threatening to cut my balls off if I broke Yuri's heart it was with a perfectly curved and poised finger. Even three sheets to the wind she was still a master ballerina. Incredible that she's old enough to be my mother.

I haven't ever told him this, but the night before the event, realising he'd vanished again, I followed Yuri to Minako's studio, watched through the window for a bit. He'd had the most intriguing look on his face when he picked my Junior Championship costume; I wanted to know what had gone through his head, why it lead him to ballet and not the ice that night. Minako once said that Yuri was no genius, that he owed his talent to near unlimited access to resources, but watching him transform with femininity was... _that_ was genius.

I went for another drink to clear my head. I really was nervous. I think I was even more nervous than Yuri, who, having found the missing backbone he'd been looking for, seemed to have forgotten the stakes. He was self-conscious in front of the cameras, rather endearingly promoting his parents' onsen whilst he had the chance. Yurio, calm and focused with an audience, was visibly nervous waiting to go on, bouncing with paranoid eyes and headphones.

I wondered if the game was up already. I just wasn't sure who for.

Then Yurio got onto the ice, and I breathed. It's cruel, I know, but I was _relieved_. It was a really good performance, but Yurio had already figured out he'd messed up terribly by the end. Gone was the agape his grandfather inspired, leaving behind only masterful illusion. Too focused on counting down the music for his cues instead of listening, his head repeating memorised motions... on full display was his lust for victory, not his love for those who had got him there. Much, much later, Yuri would point out to me that he could see it anyway... and we both realised that, for Yurio, his ambition and his love are so entangled they are barely distinguishable. In any case, it worked out.

Whereas Yuri... for a horrible moment, I thought he was going to be sick. I so wanted to tell him that he'd already won, without stepping a foot on the ice. My best poker face, that day. But then... I remember so clearly what he said as  _he_ hugged  _me_. It was the first time he'd reached out for me since Sochi.

_"A-Ano, I'm... I'm going to become a super tasty katsudon, so please watch me! Promise!"_

I remember what I said. I'd been there in Hasetsu long enough to even surprise him by saying it in Japanese.

_"Mochiron sa. Katsudon daisukida yo."_

I became his coach there and then.

There he was... When he tossed me that look... playful, teasing... that 'come get me, you know you want me' look. It wasn't perfect, being unfamiliar to him, but... that was it. That was why I came to Japan.

I was rapt.

* * *

* * *

I guess I could talk about how difficult it was to get into  _Eros_ , but... I feel like a lot has been said already. It was difficult to place myself into the narrative I saw in the music, in Victor's choreography. Obviously I'm really not a playboy, travelling from town to town hitting on the most beautiful women. I'm also not the most beautiful woman in town either. And a bit of me - okay, a lot of me - was worried that Victor was a lot like both...

**[Hey, I'm not that bad!**

**... Well, _now_  I should hope not!]**

It's a really, really,  _really_  good thing that I had no idea that I had already won. I wouldn't have trained as hard, focused as much, pushed myself so far out of my comfort zones so that Victor would stay. I might have anyway, I suppose... I was determined to show him that I was worth staying for. I know this much for sure: if Victor had left with Yurio, I would have been finished. Like the beautiful woman in  _Eros_ , when the playboy leaves.

Which is why, when I took to the ice, I'd already moved past her. At Ice Castle Hasetsu, this was  _Eros_ :

_A playboy arrives in town, making women swoon left right and centre, with his blue eyes and silver blond hair. He sets his eyes on the princess of the town... but..._

_Her maid falls in love with him too. Afraid that he'll never notice her, with her short dark hair, brown eyes, spectacles and shy demeanour, she pushes herself forward at the ball, dancing beautifully, so spectacularly that all the town look up and marvel that such passion was within this quiet, bookish creature._

_Look at me. See me._

_The playboy falls for her, showers her with love and affection... and then he chooses the princess anyway._

_The maid falls into despair at the rejection, but... not for long. She gets back up, remembers how good it felt to be seen, to be celebrated by everyone, how good it felt to dance at all... and she casts off the playboy and the princess into the past..._

_... And goes forth, ready to love again._

* * *

  **... _Segoi_...**

**Nani?**

**See, this is why I picked you!**

**Huh? You already _had_  picked me! What would you have done if I hadn't skated like that?!**

**Oh I would have left, and not coached either of you. That bit I did mean.**

**... Oh.**

* * *

To be continued...


	4. Fourth Skate - New music written to create stories

_The Draft_

* * *

FOURTH SKATE

_New music written to create stories_

* * *

8... 8:50...? _Victor nods._ As in... PM?

"Ē to..." _Katsuki tries to sneak off in the other direction, back the way we've come, but Victor seizes him, pulling him back against his chest and shaking him in a hug, laughing._

"Daijōbu, daijōbu!" _Victor exclaims, nuzzling Katsuki's red cheek._ "It was the day after the exhibition, and Yuri had been so excited to have won he could barely sleep, even though he was exhausted!"

_Still... Katsuki can really sleep. I thought I was bad._

_I smile though. Katsuki has made no move to escape from Victor's arms, and the two walk slowly forward, left feet, right feet, and Katsuki, shorter by a couple of inches or so, holds on to Victor's arms round his chest. He laughs as Victor suddenly twirls him out and back to his side, and the two walk along with me normally across the bridge back towards town, Victor's arm round Katsuki's shoulders._

_As we cross the river, away from the ninja house that Hasetsu Castle actually is, the wind picks up, making me shiver. It's spring in Southern Japan, and this year has not been hit with freak snow - yet, anyway - but I wasn't expecting it to get cold so quickly this evening. I've missed sakura season, where everywhere is rained with cherry blossoms; the delicate flowers litter the ground. The weather in Kyushu is typically warmer than I'm used to in London. Having spent several years jumping between different climates as part of the competitive season, and between St Petersburg and Hasetsu, neither Katsuki or Victor react to the wind, though it amuses me that Victor's nose seems to be permanently pink._

_All afternoon, neither skater has mentioned Victor's retirement, at all, or allowed me to segue, elegantly or otherwise, to discuss the present. Their thoughts are still stuck on Victor's single season spent as Katsuki's coach, and their relationship that was born from that. I don't think it's helpful for my article - my editor always says I get too stuck with 'gossip' - but... it's nice. It's like chatting to old friends or something._

What was Victor like as a first time coach?

_Katsuki laughs under Victor's arm before he can stop himself. Not the response I was expecting, seeing as Victor coached him from obscurity to a World Record score for the Free Program, which he still holds today, and a World Championship Gold medal. Glancing at Victor, he doesn't look insulted however; he's smiling instead, waiting for Katsuki to explain._

"Te... terrible..." _And Katsuki peels off into giggles._

"Huh?!" _Victor makes to seize him again but Katsuki, expecting it, ducks away teasingly, and lets Victor catch him, pulling at his cheeks in punishment._ "Say that again, Kobuta-chan?!"

 _Katsuki, still laughing, ignores him and addresses me._ "I'm kidding, I'm kidding! He wasn't. He... just took some getting used to."

Because he was your idol?

"Well, yes, but..." _Katsuki falls to silence, thinking. Victor waits patiently, his annoyance already forgotten._ "One... one of the first things he needed to teach me was to be confident," _Katsuki finally says, his words slow, as though he's testing them for their veracity as he says them. Seemingly satisfied, he nods._ "Hmm. Even before the exhibition with Yurio he said... ano..." _And he blushes deep red, modesty remembered._

 _Victor smiles knowingly, nods and addresses me over his shoulder._ "I told him that he had the skills to win, but that he lacked the confidence to do so, and it was my job to give him that."

 _That makes sense. Katsuki had always shown promise long before Victor came into his life. Respected coach Celestino Cialdini is renown for picking unexpected future stars from the unknown, such as Katsuki and Thailand's Phichit Chulanont. Before Katsuki qualified for the Grand Prix for the first time, his was amongst a selective number of names to watch, and it has always been said that, if figure skating was assessed on presentation alone, he would have been winning gold, even against Victor, years before, as the only skater who consistently scored exceptionally high for all five elements of the PCS: skating skills, transitions, performance/execution, choreography and interpretation. We are in fact on our way to Minako Okukawa's dance studio, where years of ballet practice can take the credit. On technicals however Katsuki has always been inconsistent, seemingly surprised to land sometimes. He never compromised the difficulty scores he was aiming for however, proving he_ could _do it, he just... wasn't._

So how did you go about instilling confidence in him?

 _Katsuki snorts with laughter again, making Victor glare at him again._ "By getting naked."

... What?!

 _Victor also misses the point._ "In the onsen, you mean? But -"

"You were doing the splits," _Katsuki glares back pointedly._

_... In the hot spring bath? How...? What?! I remember that in traditional Japanese bath houses, such as the one Katsuki's family owns and operates, one goes in their birthday suit. Even if you're used to that, the splits is a bit extreme. I can't say I want to imagine it..._

"I said nice things though..." _Victor whines, playfully deflated._

 _Katsuki's glare vanishes instantly with remembrance._ "Hai, okay, you did. It was still embarrassing though!"

What was?

 _Victor turns back to me._ "Have you seen him skate before?" _Live, only today; he demonstrated some pieces from_ Yuri On Ice _. On my computer however, of course._ "It's like he's making music, isn't it?"

_I blink, surprised. What a beautiful compliment. Having seen Katsuki today, and seen Victor watch next to me, unable to look away, I can understand, sort of, what he means. What's so embarrassing about that?_

_In any case, it was because of that that Victor insisted that Katsuki produce his own free skate. Funny to think that the process that created_ Yuri On Ice _, the World Record holding Free Program, began in a steamy bath house._

_Although I understand that the original version of the music was very different._

"Hmm," _Victor concurs._ "It was beautiful, Ketty Abelashvili is exceptionally talented, but it was like listening to a wounded animal's last moments." _Katsuki flinches at the description, but doesn't disagree._ "I'm glad you asked Phichit to find her again. She re-produced  _You Only Live Once_ for me, after I took over from Yuri."

You Only Live Once _was to be Katsuki's Free Program music for his second season with Victor. Its fast pace was intended to really push Katsuki's stamina, to show that he was a much more rounded dancer, having studied multiple dancing disciplines in Detroit, moving beyond the traditional, classical roots of figure skating. He was polishing the program up when he fell, and Victor had to race to make it his own. Subsequently, the final program is slower, with lyrics translated into Russian, Japanese and English near equally, but still a wide departure from Victor's original style as well; a total reinvention from his determination to do Katsuki justice._

 _Back to_ Yuri On Ice _however..._ why did Katsuki stick with the piece, if Victor thought it didn't suit?

"That was part of giving him confidence," _Victor answers easily, and Katsuki smiles in agreement._ "Training wasn't just on the ice; skates on, Yuri had to listen to me as his coach. Skates off however, we had to learn to listen to each other."

Listen how? To what?

 _Victor looks to Katsuki, inviting him to answer. He smiles and nods knowingly._ "I had to learn to trust him, and myself."

 _We arrive at Okukawa's studio._ "Katsuki-san, how did you -"

"'Katsuki-san'?" _He looked back at me, surprised. My eyes widen. Umm... did I use the wrong honorific? But he just chuckles and waves his hand amiably._ "'Yuri's fine!"

_I... feel unexpectedly honoured._

* * *

**Ah... good times...**

**Hmm, they were.** **Ne, Victor...**

**Nani?**

**Was it really that bad?**

**The music? Of course not, you don't need me to tell you that. But we would have choreographed something completely different. Besides... when I listened to it, I didn't hear your career. I...**

**Hmm?**

**Well... I heard yearning. Love unrequited. As though... the maid in _Eros_  realises that the playboy will never love her back, and so she never tries, and then realises the futility of it because he's not worth such heartache for, and so nothing changes. Didn't you get that?**

**... Ano...**

**No wonder things got awkward for you in Detroit...**

**Chotto... nani?!**

**Just because you never noticed anyone before me, doesn't mean no one ever noticed you, darling.**

**... Nanite kotoda...**

**Daijōbu! Ketty found someone better for her, someone who noticed her back. And you've got me...**

**So da... I really do, huh... Wakatta. Ne, Victor?**

**Nani?**

**You really took that story to heart, didn't you?**

**Huh? About Ketty?**

**No... the girl I told you about on the**   **beach that day, the one I pushed away in the hospital waiting room** **.**

**Of course I did. I was doing that she was doing, wasn't I, pushing past your boundaries. No wonder you were shoving me away too. But you also said you wanted me to be myself, and... well...**

**You're touchy.**

**Yeah. But it worked! When Ketty sent back _Yuri On Ice_ and you played it for me, you stayed.**

**Oh, yeah... I fell asleep taking notes for you. Gomen...**

**What are you apologising for? That was nice! You were comfortable enough to do that. You looked so cute, snuggled up with Makkachin! That was the first time we slept together - just slept, don't look like that! - and _you_ came to  _me_! I was so happy!**

**... I... I'm glad. It... it was nice. Ne, I'm sorry for pushing you away before, and for being late all the time -**

**Again, don't apologise! Your family and friends had it right; I should have had faith that you would grow and meet me, rather than me drag you. If anything I should apologise for that!**

**... But you're not going to.**

**Of course not! I really did want to go somewhere together, take a bath together, and sleep together! Besides, if I was going to learn from my mistakes, I had to make them, didn't I?**

**... Baka.**

**Love you too!**

* * *

* * *

In case you were wondering, the day Yuri kept me waiting, I didn't just stand there like a cretin. How boring does that sound?! You don't honestly think I would be still all day?

I performed  _Agape_  for the last time.

I had a lot of reasons. For the rest of the season I wouldn't have the time again, and I was very proud of the piece, as I am of all of my programs, so it was a chance to do it my own justice before Yurio made it his own.

At a guess, Yurio put a lot more people than just his grandfather at the heart of  _Agape_  by the time we all got to Barcelona. Good; I'm glad that there were people who meant that much to him. For me... I used  _Agape_  to consider what kind of coach I was going to be for Yuri.

 _Agape_ : unconditional love... God's infinite love is self-sacrificing and uncalculating. It made food for thought. I was at a point in my life where I was truly feeling the loneliness of it. For all I had told Yurio to think of his theme as he skated, when I originally produced  _Agape_  and _Eros_ , it was in an entirely different context. These were things I wanted to offer to someone, not things I had truly experienced or been given... until now.

So, when I had found Yuri... and he was pushing me away on both fronts, I needed to think hard of how to overcome his guard. Flirting with him, using Eros, made him look like a fish out of water, gawping wide-eyed. Maybe Agape, that clear and innocent love, was the way in. So I skated, and thought... how to be uncalculating, how to be self-sacrificing...

Yakov was right, you see. As a professional skater, with no dependents other than Makkachin, I never needed to think about anyone else. Even my relationship with Yakov was self-serving, on both sides; I owed Yakov my effort and respect whilst he was my coach, and he owed me his experience and teaching, with the payoff for both of us being success. Of course, it wasn't really as simple as that, but whilst he was my coach we had the same goals, the same ambitions; no compromise really necessary, other than the methods we would use. But with Yuri... it certainly wasn't so simple. He wanted to win the Grand Prix Final, to do himself justice, but... under what terms? Had he even figured that out himself?

And... I'd gone to Japan to teach a relative nobody, with not even the concept of an exit strategy when I stepped on the plane. For as long as Yuri didn't give up, neither would I. Where had I learnt to be self-sacrificing like that already? The only thing I wanted out of this deal was  _him_ , and I had no guarantee of that. But it never occurred to me to _give up_.

My darling Yuri... even by then I was hopelessly head over heels, making enormous decisions on pure instinct. You and your charming life in Hasetsu, your honest awkwardness, every inch of your body that you were determined to keep up with me. Just as you can't believe that someone like me could love you, I can't believe that no one loved you before me.

How could they not?

* * *

* * *

Kamisama... dōmo arigatōgozaimasu. My wish came true. I got more time with Victor, more time than I could possibly imagine. Please... keep granting my wish. Onegaishimasu.

I've never known anyone like Victor. I would be remiss to say that no one believed in me like he did; Celestino was always urging me to have confidence in myself. Phichit always thought more highly of me and my skating than I thought I deserved, and my family and friends have always stuck by me. But... none of them ever urged me to push past my own limits, believing I could aim higher and higher. None of them made me want to believe them like that. That's not their fault; Victor had that quality in him... I've no idea what it is. I am blessed, truly. No matter what happens, I must never forget that.

When I had the accident, I remember... I was just free skating, earphones in, thinking of what jumps I wanted where. I wasn't concentrating hard enough on what I was doing, with a myriad of thoughts in my head. Whether a spin would be better here, what Victor and I were going to do for dinner that night, when was the best time to Skype the triplets to say hi. Because I wasn't concentrating, I rotated too far, realised too late that I'd done four and a half turns rather than just three and a half, and before I knew it my knee was in agony, I was on the floor and nearly crashing into the wall.

I remember Victor skating up to me, sliding to his knees at speed, his expression a mixture of wonder and worry, and I heard his voice over the music in my ears that was still playing. I wanted to be sick - I'd gone somewhere beyond pain, where your body is screaming at you that something is very, very wrong - and I remember his face falling as he realised. He pulled my earphones out and together we pulled up my trouser leg to look... I could see where my knee had dislodged... ugh... it was a mess, let's leave it at that, or I'll be sick again.

It's healed now. I need to remind myself that. My leg's fine now. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine...

**[...]**

Victor held my hand in the ambulance, called my family. He gave a nervous laugh when I commented, somewhat out of it, that he looked even paler than normal, like an actual ghost. Then he started crying, that way he does when tears just fall, and I felt terrible. He only went home to get clean clothes and his poodle tissue box and to feed Makkachin, and only because Yakov ordered him to. It was Yakov who made the hospital staff let Victor stay, all the way through until I was discharged, yelling at them that Victor was my coach, which meant he was  _beyond_  family, that the rest wasn't their business. Nonetheless, we arranged to extradite back to Japan, and I recuperated at my parents' with Makkachin whilst Victor went back, briefly and reluctantly, to prepare for and participate in the events he needed to in order to qualify for the Grand Prix. It seemed a better place to stave off any resulting depression too, although, once he got his place, helping Victor finish  _History Maker_  and _You Only Live Once_ , whilst on crutches from the rink edge, kept me busy for a while.

And then after that, I got a bunch of visitors that helped too.

* * *

To be continued...


	5. Fifth Skate - A lot of fun in the middle

_The Draft_

* * *

FIFTH SKATE

_A lot of fun in the middle_

* * *

How was it, returning to compete after the summer?

 _Yuri pulls an awkward face. That bad, huh? To be fair, I've seen the footage... ouch. I'm not sure how many other skaters have banged their heads into the barriers during competition. Still, it was a place to start. He qualified, and it debuted the potential that_ Yuri On Ice _had._

_I've got him on his own for a bit, and the two of us watch Victor. We're in Okukawa's - Minako-sensei, as Yuri calls her - studio, where she has just finished teaching a class for the Nishigori triplets, Yuri's three biggest fans. Axel, Lutz and Loop - genuinely their real names, not nicknames for... Alex, Lucy, and... umm... Anyway, the three girls, now nine, are all hoping to follow the same path that Yuri took into figure skating, or so they excitedly tell me. Indeed a similar path as Victor too, who as a child started ice skating in his leisure and then took up ballet in order to go into figure skating. I'm not sure how serious the girls are though, for all their fangirling they've spent most of the session playing around. Although one of them shows genuine promise, but I've lost track of which one she is. The one who's genuinely trying to mimic Victor's poise, rather than screaming and taking photos._

_Yuri looks unexpectedly sad._ "My performance was what it was. I had already improved by the time I got to Beijing for the Cup of China. But... if I had known that it would be my last competition close to home..." _And he hangs his head, ashamed._ "I would have behaved differently off the ice."

_That surprises me. I look up and realise that Victor is listening, smiling gently at Yuri encouragingly. Yuri takes a deep breath, and opens up._

"I was... I was a bit of a dick." _HUH?!_ "I went into it focused on myself, on securing my place in the Grand Prix, and I... I forgot to have fun up until the end. None of the others... well, they were never going to beat me, so I should have been more... sporting, I guess."

"I was a dick too, though," _Victor admits, coming over, free now that the girls have been sent off to get ready to go home. Minako-sensei gives a wave before following, leaving just the three of us leaning against the window; Yuri has a spare set of keys, I'm told._ "I should have stuck by you, rather than just criticising and leaving you."

"Well... yeah," _Yuri agrees with a teasing smile._ "But you were right. I didn't feel motivated, because I wanted to get it over with, to just get to the Grand Prix events so I could stop thinking about how badly I had done in the past. I only felt better about it all when I cheered Minami-kun on and watched the start of his boogie. Then I could focus."

_Like many, many sportsmen and sportswomen, Yuri has a particular routine to get himself into the zone before a competition. Where a venue makes it possible, he does his series of stretches, postures and motions in private. Whilst there wasn't much media presence at Okayama International Skating Rink, Yuri was barely seen before it was time for him to go on, after shouting loudly to fellow competitor Kenjirou Minami good luck. Then, when he did appear..._

"You were so funny when you came out," _Victor chuckles._ "What was that slap you gave Minami?!"

 _Ah yes. There's a lot of photos all over skater otaku web pages, such as the Nishigori triplets, of things behind the Chugoku, Shikoku and Kyushu Championship. The amateur photos were of an odd moment when Yuri, fully focused for his first performance of_ Yuri On Ice _, suddenly turned and slapped Minami hard on the back, speculatively in retaliation for his on-camera challenge to do his best at the CSK, spurring all of the contestants to attempt quadruple jumps, to varying degrees of success. The look on Minami's face though..._

"I guess I was trying to encourage him," _Yuri says sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head._ "His boogie was really good, it deserved recognition."

 _Victor grins proudly at him._ "It got  _even_  better." _Yuri smiles back modestly._

 _Some time after Yuri returned from St Petersburg to undergo extensive physiotherapy, whilst Victor was away preparing for block championships in Russia to qualify for the Grand Prix, Yuri got an unexpected visitor at Yu-Topia. Kenjirou Minami, from nearby Fukuoka, came to wish his idol well and offer his support. During his visit he mentioned that he was having trouble completing his programs for the regional championships, gutted that he would never get to compete with Yuri at the Grand Prix after all. Yuri asked to hear the music Minami had chosen, and offered to help. What followed was well documented on the Nishigori triplet's social media; Minami commuted with his coach, Kanako Odagaki, nearly everyday after high school in order to perfect his Short Program to Kitauji High School's wind ensemble rendition of Yellow Magic Orchestra's_ Rydeen _and a Free Program to ODESZA's_ Memories That You Call _._

 _All from a plastic chair on the ice, with a whiteboard so Yuri could sketch the moves he wanted Minami to focus on. That year, Minami won the National Championship by a mile, earning him an unexpected place at the following Grand Prix, and subsequently the final. There, facing the likes of Victor Nikiforov, Yuri Plisetski, Otabek Altin, JJ Leroy and Michele Crispino, Minami suffered the same fate as Yuri and stumbled hard. But his programs added flair to the otherwise more traditional outings of his fellow competitors. His jazzy performances were still full of the '_ Fun _' that was his simple theme, and he enthusiastically watched and cheered for_ everyone _, from the men's singles to the women's to the pairs. At the press conference of his last Grand Prix Final, Victor pointed Minami out, and said that_ 'we need more of him' _._

"He's amazing, isn't he?" _Yuri chuckles._ "It was fun, helping him with his skating. It was so different from what I used to do, and Minami-kun's not..." _He grins at Victor._ "He's not like  _us_. He has never said that he's in it for medals; he just loves skating, and wants to share that with as many people as he can. As long as he enjoys it, that's all that matters. It was just what I needed, after... well, getting this one ready to compete again, and..."

 _He bends his knee - his right - testily and sighs. But then he smiles back at me._ "It was so cool, cheering them both on, seeing them both skate so brilliantly! It was amazing."

_They have been lucky, not having to travel as far as Barcelona again for the GPF. For Victor's returning season, the Final was held in Seoul, so Yuri could attend with him. Victor's last, and Minami's first, was in Nagoya. There's a nice photo on Victor's Instagram of the three of them on the Shinkansen, sending out sympathy to those flying long haul to Honshu._

_I want to ask about Yuri's injury that irrevocably altered his career, but... many before me have tried getting him to describe his feelings on it, let alone what he actually did, and struggled as he clamped up completely. It's understood that he_ can _compete again, that he has a clean bill of health, but... what little he does say in public suggests that he's actually very happy as a choreographer, that he has no intention of taking on the stress of competing again. Now that I understand that he needs to open up on his own terms, not on mine, I realise that he'll either tell me about it or not. As it appears, not. So I stick to his chosen topic, and tease him a bit._

Does Minami still have your autograph from the CSK Championship?

 _Yuri blushes, whilst Victor laughs. He steps forward, wraps his arm round Yuri tightly._ "Of course he does! He even got this one to agree to a selfie - it's Minami's profile picture on Facebook to this day!"

* * *

* * *

I was going to have worse times going into competitions that season, but I suppose the CSK Championship was the only one where it really didn't need to be.

I kept reacting badly that day, I was so wound up. All I could think about was how humiliating it had been, placing 11th at the last Nationals, how much I didn't want to repeat that shambles. The programs that Victor and I had created together deserved so much better than that. I wanted to do him proud... and did anything but.

We let each other down that time, although he made it up to me. Sort of. Wait... not really, he let me fall flat on my face. As if the nosebleed wasn't bad enough already...

What I remember most was realising how far we had come together in a single day. When we first started out together I would never,  _ever_  have let him put balm on my lips... If he'd have tried, I would probably have shrieked and scrambled away, not let him hug me after too. Not hug him back either.

Apparently Minami-kun's face was priceless. I'm sorry to have missed it.

An amazing boy, Minami-kun. He'd been competing for years, had lost to Yurio as Juniors, yet he cheered on everyone, never cared particularly if he medaled, or certainly not outwardly, and I believe him. He just liked taking part and doing his best. I envied him that, when I helped him choreograph his program for the regional and national championships. Minami-kun just wanted it to be awesome, so we mirrored the march of Kitauji's band from their performance at Kyoto's Sunfest, even put the frills of pompoms on his sleeves so he looked like a cheerleader, and I sent him to Minako-sensei to put more ballet into his skating for  _Memories That You Call_. That was so much fun!

I needed that. The summer, adjusting to being nearly immobile and learning my new limits, whilst almost permanently on painkillers because I was still pushing myself too far, walking everywhere on crutches because I didn't want to stay still, was  _afraid_ of staying still... it was stressful. After we decided together for Victor to use my programs for his first season back, it was difficult, being alone again. We'd only been together a few months, I was going through... well... and he was pushing himself back into the craziness with programs that weren't originally his own, something he hadn't done for half his life.  _My_  programs, that were meant as my follow-up to my first - and only - successful season.  _My_  programs that I had committed to creating and performing, had looked forward to presenting to the world, even though only months before I thought I was going to retire. And then... I had to... I...

**[... Yuri...]**

... That was... heart wrenching. S-So... so focusing on Minami-kun's completely different, jazzy style, a style I would never have used myself and felt no physical compulsion to skate too, after the summer of yearning to skate with Victor, was... a relief. Particularly as, bless him, Minami-kun hung on my every word, his faith in me unwavering, even as I was struggling to make peace with being stuck on a chair on the ice. He never thought less of me, or treated me with pity. Even then, in his eyes, I still had no dark past. I owe him; Minami-kun, with everyone else, made sure it was not a dark present either.

I remember I wasn't able to meet Victor at Fukuoka Airport after he won the Trophée de France, his flight having been severely delayed. He got home, left his things with my parents, and came and found me and Makkachin at the Ice Castle. He glided up behind me, and I knew instantly who he was as he put his arms round me. We watched Minami-kun skate for a while, still halfway through his routine, instructed to keep going, even though he was blushing like mad.

 _"You've got a winner, I think,"_  Victor murmured into my ear.

I smiled, turned and kissed his cheek.  _"Yeah, I have."_

Funny. When he hugged me from behind, setting the cameras ablaze at the CSK, I was still getting used to it, still awkward with his affection, particularly in public. A year later, it was the only thing I craved more than the ice, or katsudon even.

* * *

* * *

I forgot. It wasn't about me.

Yuri was right. My first event as a coach was terrible.

I made assumptions, on camera, about his mental state, taking for granted that he was going to win and secure his place in the Grand Prix. I didn't think it through when I got changed to look smarter, debuting  _myself_  as his coach. I thought of what  _I_  should say, not what Yuri needed to hear. I didn't take it seriously, using the tissue box to try and relax him. I took after Yakov, criticising, not realising that Yakov did it because my ego didn't need any further inflating, whilst Yuri's needed all the air I could give him. I spoke for him.  _I didn't get it_.

I'll be blunt: I have never lost like Yuri has. I didn't understand, even though he'd been trying to tell me, that bombing at the Nationals, where he should have shined because he was better than all of them, had stung hard. I should have understood what he meant when he said that this season was going to be revenge, that the CSK was a chance to make right his failings in the past. I should have supported him in that, even though he didn't need to avenge anything.

I certainly should have figured out another way of telling him to not be so cold towards the other skaters, and I certainly shouldn't have walked off in a sulk, my only thought  _my_  disappointment.

Me-me-me. Ugh... it makes me cringe to remember. Particularly as...

Yuri always says he just choreographed Minami's programs, but he did a hell of a lot more than that; he coached him to unequivocal victory. Minami's boogie at the CSK, whilst showing promise, lacked flow, was full of stops and starts, and needed definition, shape, narrative. Yuri coached him to be a better dancer, a better skater, all whilst making sure the boy loved every minute. He sent the triplets with Minako and Nishigori to all of Minami's events so they could talk on Skype at the edge of the ice, and so he could watch through the triplets' cameras live, even though he was meant to be coaching me. Even physically absent, he out-coached me.

**[Heh-heh... it's not a competition, Victor...]**

By the time my gut was telling me I had messed up, Yuri had vanished, having shouted louder than anyone to cheer Minami on, visibly moving the teenager. I couldn't find him, and had to wait, wondering how to reconnect. Compliments on his costume did nothing. To my surprise, he didn't even flinch when I spread balm over his bottom lip... even chapped... no! Not going off on that tangent or we'll be here forever! I could talk about his lips all day and Yuri would just melt like the egg on his katsudon!

**[... Arigato...]**

I hugged him to say sorry. Even angry, I should have been at his side anyway, out of sheer professional curtesy, though he deserved far more from me than that. It took longer than it should have for me to realise that I'd been going about things the wrong way, that it didn't matter how his skating made  _me_ feel, only how it made  _him_  feel. When he started to enjoy it, I couldn't look away. I saw his competitiveness, his stubbornness, and mistook them for flaws. Of course, he didn't just take after me; he was always like that. I love that about him.

I'll never, ever forget his theme presentation. I saw it with his family and friends on the TV at Yu-Topia, and then found it on the triplets' Youtube channel and watched it again and again, wide eyed and blushing every time. Then when he got home I teased him mercilessly.

_"My theme in this year's Grand Prix series is 'Love'. I've been helped by many people in my competitive skating career thus far, but I've never thought about 'love' until now. Though I am blessed with support, I couldn't take full advantage of it. I always felt like I was fighting alone. But since Victor showed up to be my coach, I've seen something totally different. My 'love' is not something clear-cut like romantic love, but through the more abstract feeling of my relationships with Victor, family and hometown... I was finally able to realise that something like love exists all around me._

_"Victor is the first person I've ever wanted to hold on to. I don't really have a name for that emotion, but I have decided to call it 'love'. Now that I know what love is and am stronger for it, I'll prove it to myself with a Grand Prix Final Gold Medal!"_

**[... Yamerou...**

**What? I thought you sounded great! I just didn't like the tie! I knew exactly what you were trying to say. You're the only person I've ever wanted to hold on to too.]**

Two last things. To this day, Yuri has never worn any of the ties I've ever bought him, not that I have bought many, knowing that he won't.

And I really liked Minami's hair. For the Grand Prix Final, to perform  _History Maker_ and  _You Only Live Once_ , I dyed my fringe - just the tips, where my hair falls over my eyes - black. My ultimate hook into Yuri's choreography. With it,  _You Only Live Once_  never quite topped  _Yuri On Ice_ , but  _History Maker_  made history.

* * *

To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out for Hibike Euphonium!


	6. Sixth Skate - Ai ga Kats'!

_The Draft_

* * *

SIXTH SKATE

_Ai ga kats'!_

* * *

* * *

_We've started talking about Yuri's top score at the Short Program for the Cup of China, but we're avoiding the elephant in the room._

_Ugh, wrong imagery there... you see, we're in the onsen. Yuri is sat a respectful distance away, submerged in the water so only his face is showing, with a contented smile. Victor on the other hand... is retelling how weird fellow Russian Georgi Popovich's performances were, throwing his arms about dramatically... from the side of the bath. As in, he's not even in the water. It's... it's a lot of movement... a lot of naked movement..._

"Now you know how I felt when he first showed up," _Yuri whispers over to me, chuckling to himself, the water rippling around his face. I chuckle back nervously. I really wish I had something, other than the water, the steam, and a flannel to hide how fat I am compared to these two. I'm not even fat, I just... try to eat vegetables, and swim a couple of times a week. Meanwhile I've got an Adonis with no modesty whatsoever gallivanting about like it's no big deal (it's a big deal...), and, even though it's now been two years since he was in competition, Yuri has kept in decent shape, supposedly to earn katsudon. He still skates, still dances, still runs, still goes to the gym. He's doing just fine. Now that he's not got his glasses on, he's more than fine..._

_I don't know where to look. I need a carefully placed fountain... I can't help but think that, even if I wasn't gay, this would do it. Yuri did me a kindness, and let me go on ahead into the bathhouse, sparing me from having to strip in front of these two gods of men, and find what modesty can be found in the onsen waters before they caught up with me. Just their bums... oh my god... I'm so glad that the same man who spared me my esteem is now just a sweaty forehead, a pair of pink cheeks, a goofy smile and a red nose poking out of the water, as though he too, despite not having an inch of body fat beneath the water, is shy._

_Victor meanwhile is on a roll, and starts to recall Swiss Christophe Giacometti's short program, and then realises how X-rated it would be if he were to reenact_ Intoxicated _right now, and jumps into the water with a laugh. He goes and sits next to Yuri, who sits up in the water to lean against him, and as Yuri Katsuki's lean body rises up slightly, I remember his program that Giacometti had been competing against. His_ Eros _at the Cup of China was particularly sublime; his jumps were perfectly landed, and his skating was charged with new energy. Gone was the naivety of the pork cutlet bowls... of all the photos taken on_ that _first day of the competition, none were retweeted, shared and viewed more than of Yuri forehead to forehead with his coach, and the moment he licked his lips at the beginning of his skate. Of course, by the time the Cup of China was over, everyone had forgotten about it... phoo..._

What did Victor actually say then, before Yuri went out?

 _The two share a look, a whole conversation happening quickly, a private joke shared. Then Yuri turns to me with a teasing smile._ "He told me to stop thinking about food and women."

...?

 _Victor fixes me with an identical grin._ "And he told me to make sure to watch."

_That... that's it? It... well, it looked like Yuri was about to... is this my way to get to the elephant; how the Cup of China ended for these two...?_

_But before I can breach_ that _subject, Yuri takes us in a different direction._ "Ne, speaking of being sure to watch, did you see Phichit-kun's programs?" _... Yes, yes I did. What about them?_ "When I think of them now, they're like auditions, ne? He never told me that that was what he wanted to do."

 _'That' being put on a major production of_ The King and the Skater-On Ice _in Bangkok. Last year, Thailand's Phichit Chulanont took a break from competitive skating in order to produce and direct his ultimate dream; an on-ice show in his homeland. It has been enormously successful, with shows currently sold out for months in advance. Fellow Cup of China competitors and Detroit trainees, Leo de la Iglesia and Guang Hong Ji have both cameoed in the show. As for the head choreographer..._

"Heh-heh..."

 _Yuri has been busy. Since Victor's return to competition, he's been Victor's coach, with Yakov Feltsman consulting whilst Victor was in Russia. He also took on Kenjirou Minami's choreography that same season. After Minami won the Japanese Nationals and Victor the Grand Prix Final, Chulanont pitched to investors for_ The King and the Skater _with Yuri's name as part of the package. Yuri's signature is all over these performances, and has earnt him further world wide recognition as one of the best on-ice choreographers. Victor credited him as a co-choreographer, as well as his sole coach, for his final competitive season -_ "I didn't do that much, that was all - mph!" _Victor slaps his hand over Yuri's mouth - and continued to consult Chulanont for_ The King and the Skater _, and is now rumoured to be consulting Yuri Plisetski..._

"No-no-no, I...!" _Yuri says under Victor's arm modestly._ "He came to Hasetsu to show what he had in mind, and I... just gave him some pointers -"

"You completely changed his entire program, and redid his new one."

"No, I didn't! His program was really good -!"

"No it wasn't. It  _will_ be."

"Victor..."

_It makes me chuckle, seeing them bicker. Well, well, there was something to those rumours. Time will tell with Plisetski's choreography, as not much is known about his plans for the upcoming season. His recent visit to Hasetsu was kept fairly quiet, even on social media; Plisetski only posted a single photo of a new hoodie he picked up from the market, and Victor posted a few selfies of the three eating dinner and out and about town. Nothing on the ice. Even the Nishigori triplets kept radio silence, which is the most telling..._

"That's because I told them not to post anything," _Yuri says sternly._ So there is something to post? "... Ē to..."

"Good luck trying get anything out of them," _Victor tells me with a laugh._ "Yurio's promised Axel, Lutz and Loop VIP tickets to all of his Grand Prix events. They're allowed to put the videos up  _after_  he debuts."

_... There's videos? Will they let me have a sneak peak...? Just for me?_

_The two talk between themselves for a bit, about Plisetski, both smiling with affection at how he has grown. Indeed, Plisetski is now a far cry from when he debuted as a senior; he's grown a couple of inches taller, has filled out, looks a little less - only a little, mind - grumpy all the time, and has had a string of rumoured girlfriends. The boy has become a man, and they're very proud of him. The rest of what they say is off the record, but I'm allowed to say that their Yurio is doing just fine._

_So, it definitely appears, are they. Bearing in mind that I'm boiling in the water, which I'm now stuck in because I refuse to move and reveal all of my lard to these two, I can't imagine how much hotter - and I use that term literally - they must be with Yuri's head resting on Victor's shoulder, Victor's cheek leaning against his dark hair, and Victor's hand familiarly trailing patterns on Yuri's forearm. Undeniably close, undeniably... together._

_As the Japanese say... KAWAIIIIII!_

_Officially, these two have never publically defined their relationship, despite a lot having been said by others about it. Minami has referred to Victor as Yuri's boyfriend, Chulanont called Yuri Victor's husband as a joke once, Giacometti has referred to them as 'practically married', and Plisetski refuses to say a single word about it. Even on social media, there is ambiguity; even though both have profile pictures of the two together, their relationship status is blank. Yet... as they arrived into Beijing that year, Victor dropped his 'single' status. As they left, Yuri did the same._

"You're dying to ask, aren't you?"

_I jump out of my skin as I realise Victor's been eyeing me from over Yuri's head. Yuri himself tenses, his eyes widening. Umm... was it that obvious? But then Victor laughs lightly, though Yuri remains tense, blushing and pointedly not looking at me._

"No."

_... Pardon?_

_Have we understood each other right? I... I wanted to ask... if they were already together by then... They weren't?_

* * *

**Daijōbu?**

**Huh?**

**You're tense.**

**O-oh. Hmm. I'm okay.**

**We don't have to talk about it, you know.**

**I... I know.**

**I mean, really. We don't, if you'd rather not.**

**... Would _you_ rather not?**

**Huh? I don't mind. Being ambiguous always helped my performances, and it was always funny having people make such a fuss over every rumour. And it helped _you_ , didn't it?**

**Eh?**

**It got to you, didn't it? What those girls said before you went on in Beijing.**

**... Hmm. Of course it did.**

**It was why I was surprised when you said you hoped _everyone_ enjoyed your  _Eros_. There I was, thinking it was just for me! What  _were_  you thinking about, jogging up and down that corridor?**

**... Umm...**

**Hmm?**

**I... I wanted to be the most hated person in the world...**

**... Eh?! _Nani! Why?! What in the hell for?!_**

**Ah... it was something Chris said -**

**Oh, for... Chris says a lot of -**

**He said I was committing a grave sin, for stealing you away all for myself. I... I wanted everyone to see _why_. You choreographed  _Eros_ , you inspired me to be good enough to skate like that, you made the new me... only you and I could have done that, no one else. I wanted to prove that.**

**... Oh. So ka... to the tune of _106.84_ , baby! WOOOOO!!!**

* * *

* * *

It really was an odd performance. Popovich's, I mean. I remember watching and thinking... if Victor leaves me, I really didn't want to end up like that, and we weren't even together by then. Yurio told me some time later that Yakov sent Popovich to rehab for a bit after that, to work on his emotional maturity... oh dear...

And then there was Chris' hard-on coming off the ice -

**[Yuuuri...**

**H-hai...?**

**No one cares about the others. How did _you_  feel?**

**We... we've just been talking about that...**

**It was _your_  first Grand Prix event that season! Talk about that!**

**Oh... ē to... oh,** **so da... Victor, what was the deal with the hot pot?**

**Huh? Oh, when you were being interviewed? That was just to get you out of it! 'How much power of love do you have'? What a ridiculous question! I didn't think you wanted to talk about love so much, after your theme announcement. You don't like doing interviews anyway. Thinking about it would have made you more nervous, so I looked for a distraction.**

**Ah, so ka... oh god... I just remembered...**

**Yeah... Phichit's photo made that backfire a bit... sumimasen!]**

Still... I was less nervous than I had expected. Part of it was a front, to not worry Victor, but also... I was amongst friendly faces; Phichit, Guang Hong and Leo were all cheering each other on, cheering me on. Seeing Phichit, in particular, achieve his dream of skating to  _Shall We Skate_ spurred me on, got me focused forward on what I wanted.

I had spent the summer getting used to Victor's familiarity, with how tactile he could be. I didn't flinch or back away anymore when he hugged me or touched me, or... or in that restaurant draped himself naked over me... But I hadn't really figured out how I wanted to return his affection. I'd hugged him once of my own accord before my performance at the  _Onsen On Ice_  exhibition, and gone to throw myself into his arms after I debuted  _Yuri On Ice_  at the CSK...  **[Hey! Don't glare at me! You would have gotten blood all over my suit!]**  ... Hai... but otherwise... my skating was the only way I knew how to show him that I...

Well... that I loved him. Not just in the abstract.

And then those girls started laughing.

**[I didn't laugh too, I'd like to point that out.**

**I know.**

**Oh... okay. Sorry, keep going...]**

What was it that they said again? Oh yeah...  _"Just split up with him already. You know it won't last. Don't you feel sorry for him? Tee. Hee. Hee."_

**[... Err... your face is really red... there's actual steam coming out of your ears...]**

I don't get angry a lot.  **[He really doesn't.]**  But when I do, I can get a bit... carried away.  **[He really does.]**  And sometimes I go a bit... overboard.  **[Like right now... hai-hai, I'll shut up now...]** So whilst everyone always says they really liked my  _Eros_  at the Cup of China, I... don't. I was feeling jealous, and patronised. I was a long way from my last season, and I detested their pity. It wasn't even pity; they thought I was a joke.

**[Yuri... you're not a -]**

I wanted them, all of them, to take me seriously. I was  _Eros_. And I deserved the standing ovation.

* * *

* * *

**...**

**Ne, Victor? It's your turn.**

**I know. I was just thinking how proud I was of you, how proud you made me that day, how proud you would make me. How proud you still make me.**

**... Oh. Heh-heh. I'm proud of you too.**

**You kept me waiting though.**

**Huh?**

* * *

To be continued...


	7. Seventh Skate - Surpassing his wildest imagination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Victor starts rambling, that's your cue. Sexual content ahead.

_The Draft_

* * *

SEVENTH SKATE

_Surpassing his wildest imagination_

* * *

_Crap, crap, crap... I fell asleep._

_I wake in the Yu-Topia dining room, sprawled on the tatami floor in one of the inn's robes, and I'm instantly afraid I might have been snoring. I hear a chuckle from the side, and jump when I see Victor sat cross-legged at the table, resting his head on the surface, also looking dozy._

"Don't worry, I did that as well!" Snore? "Well, no, but my first time in the onsen I fell asleep after as well. The water feels so good!"

 _I look around us. We're alone._ "Ah, Yuri had gone to help make dinner. You're having the Katsuki special!"

_Ah, this legendary pork cutlet bowl. I've been having trouble understanding what the fuss is about, and when Yuri puts it down in front of me, I still don't get it. It's just rice, with deep-fried pork, and egg. It doesn't even look appetising; a bowl of white and yellow food. It's meant to be about 900kcal. And I still feel warm from the onsen, like there's so much heat in me I feel full. I take a bite politely even though I -_

_HOLY-!_

_As I turn to goo, Victor bursts out laughing at me and points to my face._ "Yuri, did I look like that my first time?! Ha _ha_!"

 _Oh my god... it... it's like eating... I don't know how to describe... I'm thinking of the clouds of heaven, like marshmallows, but meaty and crispy and... I want to cry, it's so good. I get it now... I could eat this every day. I would go to the_ gym _so I could eat this every day._

 _I must have said that out loud, because both Victor and Yuri start laughing._ "Right?!" _Victor exclaims enthusiastically._ "Now think back on Yuri's early renditions of  _Eros_ , and where that feeling fitted in."

_I nod, and carry on eating. I'm hungry now. We don't talk, or rather I don't talk, until we're finished, which I do first, shovelling the katsudon into my mouth. And then I'm so satisfied I just sit there like a happy toad._

"So..." _Victor pauses as Yuri picks a grain of rice off the side of his mouth._ "... the Cup of China."

_... Oh yeah._

_There's a ton of stuff on the internet from the second day of Yuri's Cup of China. Even the day before, after his perfect short program, Yuri was already showing signs of strain. He was stammering and shaking on camera, even with Victor cheering 'katsu-katsu!' behind him for victory. On the day... he had visibly not slept, with dark shadows under his eyes. He mucked up the only jump he practiced during the six minutes, and looked out of it for the rest. There's a clip of Victor dragging Yuri off, and there are dozens of tweets from around the stadium wondering where he had gone, nowhere to be found ice-side or backstage. There were whispers that he might have done a runner. When he finally appeared, just before his performance, there were comments that he looked distant from his coach, and the two didn't even speak before he started. And there was a weird thing with a tissue and Victor's scalp._

_When I mention that last, the pair finally smile._ "Yeah... I deserved that," _Victor admits, looking sheepish, and he runs his fingers through his hair. His receding hair, I notice..._

 _Yuri watches him do so, and then takes his other hand in his own, squeezes his fingers. Then he smiles._ "Yeah, you did."

 _Victor's eyes widen for a second and then he bursts out laughing, nodding as Yuri chuckles back at him._ "Hai-hai, I know. I really,  _really_  mucked up." _Then he looks at me, looking genuinely ashamed._ "I err... said some really stupid things before Yuri went on."

 _What...? Yuri takes a deep breath, as though it's still difficult to recall._ "This...  _idiot_... told me that he would quit as my coach if I missed the podium -"

"I didn't quite say that, I meant I'd take respons -"

"- And he didn't even mean it."

 _Victor smiles guiltily under the force of Yuri's glare. But then he calms, quickly out of energy to be angry with him all this time later. Victor raises his hand to Yuri's face, rubs his thumb over his cheek gently, an apology hanging in the silence. Yuri sighs, and looks back at me to explain._ "I... I was a total mess. I... It finally dawned on me that, when I skated, it wasn't just me who won or lost anymore." _I catch the flinch that goes through Victor, and for a second I wonder if he's going to argue that that wasn't the case, but he keeps quiet._ "Victor had given up his career to coach me, which meant that my victory or defeat would validate or invalidate his decision. I... I didn't know how to carry that weight when I started winning because... well, I was used to losing."

 _Victor smiles sympathetically and turns to me too._ "Ultimately as competitors in our sport, on the ice we are alone; it is all down to you. But it's not that simple. The people who support us, who we rely on; they can be a weight, a pressure, but sometimes we need that grounding. We manipulate our emotions for our performances, for our advantage, but we have to be careful. Emotions are not meant to be controlled like that. But then, it's completely different for each and every one of us."

 _I think for a moment of Georgi Popovich again, but without the humour. No wonder he went into rehab, as the rumours say, what with switching back and forth between furious betrayal to desperate forgiveness, neither healthy emotions to be begin with, and fanned up to fuel his skating. I think of Yuri's past career, before Victor, and how perhaps his own expectations and the expectations of others, realising his potential, put lead weights on his skates._ So how did they get past that?

 _Victor smiles proudly._ "He told me I should have kept my mouth shut." _Yuri snorts with unintended laughter._ "You see, I got it right before the short program. I let him get on with going into his own head space, and had faith that he'd be just fine. More than fine even. As his coach, I was supposed to believe in him more than anyone, even him."

 _He then laughs._ "Which is why I won't be going back to coaching, now that I've retired, so please put those rumours to bed."

 _Umm... okay._ Then, the thing with the tissue?

"My punishment for him," _Yuri tells me with a chuckle._ "He's very vain about his hair. It was a reminder too, for us both, that he wasn't perfect."

_I can't say I know what he means by that, but from the look they share, as Victor smiles apologetically, I guess they both understand each other completely._

_In any case, just as Yuri transformed for_ Eros _, something drastically switched as_ Yuri On Ice _started. Even with pinched cheeks from obviously crying, there was absolutely no other evidence of anything resembling despair._ Yuri On Ice _at the Cup of China was not perfect - he lost marks for messing up jumps - but otherwise it's a beautiful piece. Even over two years on, it's impossible to look away. Every gesture, every turn, every spin... there are a thousand reasons why, once perfected in Barcelona,_ Yuri On Ice _has never been surpassed._

 _There's a wonderful clip on Youtube; someone filmed Victor from the stands as he watched. His every reaction tells its own story. He was just as spellbound as the audience; even the camera filming him is static, stuck in position so the owner wouldn't be distracted. There's a lovely moment when he sighed with disappointment then quickly shook his head and determinedly looked back up. At the end, his hands shakily hid his eyes for a moment, and then he ran off. Less than a minute later, the camera was knocked off its perch as the audience started cheering_ even _louder._

 _We all know what_ that _moment was._

_At which point, Yuri makes his apologies, his face redder than a tomato, and takes our bowls with an excuse of washing up. I'm about to ask Victor if Yuri's alright, but I'm instantly distracted._

_The look on Victor's face, watching Yuri leave, lingering on the door he's just gone through... what I would give, for someone to look at doors like that for me. He looks like... like he knows how blessed he is, to have Yuri in his life._

"He picked you, you know." _Huh?_ "To do this interview. I know we're meant to be talking about my retirement, but... it's been three years today, since I first came to Hasetsu, since we met here. This for us is our anniversary, so all I can think about are our memories of our early days."

 _Victor turns back to me and picks up his beer bottle, but fidgets with it._ "I guess I was hoping that by talking about the past with an outsider, I would figure out what to do from here. But, now I look back on it..." _And he starts laughing._ "I can see why everyone thought it would be a disaster!"

...  _Huh_?

"I... haha... Don't get me wrong, when it came to just skating, I'm really proud of how well Yuri and I worked. But the rest... I had no idea what I was doing as a coach to begin with, I was... haha, I was so bad, and Yuri was... he's easily the best skater I've ever seen, but he's a terrible competitor!" _He laughs again and then he grins triumphantly._ "But together... we made the ultimate team. I'll never be able to replicate that with anyone else. I don't  _want_  to." _Then he just smiles goofily back at the door._ "So I'll just have to think of something else to do."

_I... I'm at a bit of a loss. I sense that this'll be all that Victor will say about his retirement, which means there's no real reason for me to be here anymore. Back to the drawing board for my article... my editor is going to kill me..._

_Then Victor turns to me, smiling gently, but very seriously._ "You want to know about the kiss."

_... Yes. Yes I do._

"Will you do me a favour?"

_Y-yes?_

"When you come to write your article..." _Not-that-I-know-what-it's-going-to-be-about-anymore-but-okay!_ "... Don't embarrass him."

_... What...?_

"Yuri picked you, so someone could set the record straight. Please, don't let him down."

_I'm sat opposite one of my sporting heroes. An idol in a gay, loving, healthy relationship with another of my heroes. Who accepted my magazine's request for an interview, so that I could come here to Japan to listen to them for a couple of days and then write about them._

_I_ absolutely _won't let them down. Ze tai ni._

* * *

* * *

I had no other response.

After, I said something about wanting to surprise him, just to sound cool, but... by the end of  _Yuri On Ice_ , all I wanted to do was kiss him. The feeling was so overwhelming... Of course I had wanted to do that since Sochi, but if I had ever tried he would have pushed me away. Rightly so, to be honest. But... there in Beijing, as he stretched out his arm towards me across the ice, it felt... I stopped holding back, and ran.

Oh, the look on his face... that was why I hadn't kissed him before. He looked shocked at first, then... the way he smiled. Perfect. Worth waiting for.

Then I hauled him up, so that we could cheer together. I got told off later for jumping out with shoes.

Then I think it dawned on him what had just happened, in front of the entire stadium and all the cameras and everyone's smartphones, and I lost him for a bit in his own head. If it had been someone else, or if I hadn't spent six months coaching him, I might have been offended, but it was Yuri... he was just freaking out a bit. He was fine; he managed to keep it together for the podium, with his goofy smile, for Phichit's selfies and the cameras. I was so proud of him; I couldn't wait to show him off to everyone in Russia, where the stakes, for both of us, in many ways, would be higher. I had every faith he would rise to the challenge; it was going to be  _awesome_! (Or so I thought then anyway.)

We all split off for a couple of hours, to get ready for the post-event banquet. I was surprised Yuri wanted to go, but he was adamant; Phichit was his best friend back in Detroit, and he wanted to be there to celebrate for him. So he went and had a shower, spending forever under the water. I got worried for a moment, and was about to knock on the door and check on him, but then I heard the water turn off, the rustle of his towel. He still didn't come out though; I could picture him studying his own reflection in the steamed-up mirror, trying to reconcile that was really him staring back at himself. That image didn't worry me though, because I knew how magnificent that reflection was, so I wrote a note, and went and got a drink with Chris.

I've been friends with Christophe for over ten years. Thanks to social media, we've always been able to keep in touch, but we've only ever met on the competitive circuit; he's not my friend the way that Phichit is Yuri's, the two having been room mates at university and skated together. But I've always admired Chris; openly gay, openly sexual, an unwavering flirt, in an arena that is still a bit behind the times. A pity that really; our sport is not strictly macho, and even in saying that I'm making too many generalisations. Chris gets some nonsense every now and then, and he has always risen above it spectacularly, batting it away with disdain.

Admittedly why I've always been ambiguous, until I met Yuri. I'm an athlete; if the media wish to speculate about my private life for their amusement, I'm not going to stop them because it amuses me, but I don't typically participate. I've had girlfriends before, although trying to keep relationships on the competitive trail was too difficult, more than I wanted to deal with. I've also had some flings with men, a couple of which have been rumoured about but never confirmed. Chris and I have always had fun flirting with each other, but we work better as each other's wingmen; we've never gone  _there_. Chris isn't into pretty boys like himself.

He wasn't looking for a serious conversation, and neither was I. We have a long established, unspoken rule of not discussing our programs or our medals. The closest we got to talking about anything meaningful was when he brought up the Sochi Banquet.

 _"Does he remember?"_  Chris asked me with a sly grin.

 _"Hmmm... I'm not sure,"_  I laughed.  _"He's never said anything about it, at all. Of course, Yuri's like that. He might remember, and just be wanting to forget."_

 _"Eeeh...? Pity. Boy could dance."_  Chris winked at me.  _"Maybe we should get him drunk tonight and see if we can get a repeat performance."_

 _"Ah, Yuri's barely slept since we got here, he'd probably just pass out."_  Then I turned to him gently.  _"Hey, Chris, don't tease him so much. Yuri... he's not like us."_

Chris looked at me shrewdly then, and after a moment, nodded.  _"Sure, man. No problem."_

I was worried again though. Yuri finally came down... in that same suit he wore for his theme presentation, same tie even. I really wanted to drag him back upstairs to our room to pick out another neck tie at least, but he was a bag of nerves. And I didn't want to just  _change_  his clothes... I... I was relieved when Phichit, Guang-Hong and Leo pounced on him, and the four started talking about their performances, praising each other enthusiastically, cheering Phichit and Yuri on for the next stage. Yuri barely spoke, I noticed, but his congratulations were sincere, with all the remaining energy he could muster.

I envied them their youth; it meant they got away with not talking to anyone else. Chris got stolen by his coach to work the room and speak to sponsors, and Yakov had already made his perspective clear, so I steered a wide berth. I don't remember who I was talking to when I felt like someone was watching me... I turned, and easily found Yuri's brown eyes. Which widened when he realised I'd caught him, and he looked away with a nervous swallow. I must have looked so rude to whoever I was talking to, ignoring them entirely as I watched Yuri clench his fists determinedly. He said good night to his friends and came over, his eyes on the floor.

_"V-Victor...? Did... did you want to stay?"_

Why was he so tense?  _"N-no, I..."_  The penny dropped.  _Finally_... I smiled, and left with him, wondering...

Well, where he was taking this. Considering that his background was in dance, leading wasn't Yuri's style.

He was deathly quiet in the elevator. I could barely hear him breathing, I genuinely think he forgot to. When the doors opened on our floor he kind of hiccoughed before getting out. I followed behind him, getting nervous too. His hands shook when he opened our door with the key card. When I closed the door behind me, he finally let out the breath he'd been holding.

_"Yu-"_

_"Victor."_

He turned enough to look at me over his shoulder, out of the side of his glasses.  _"I... I'm not the first m-man you've kissed, am I?"_

What...? He asked me so innocently, like he really was just curious. I thought about lying for a second, but the idea felt wrong in my gut. So I shook my head; the truth. No, he wasn't.

 _"So ka..."_  To my surprise, this seemed to make him a little relieved. I was relieved he reacted that way too, that he hadn't hoped that he was my first or something.

Although it was starting to dawn on me that I might have been his first,  _period_. And I didn't know how I felt about that then. Now, after being together for three years, it means an enormous amount. Only I know Yuri Katsuki's love... it's a heady, intoxicating feeling.

As my head started to swim with the idea that I might have stolen his first kiss at the kiss and cry in front of the entire stadium, my gut fell out as he gingerly took off his glasses, folded them up, and carefully placed them on the bedside table. And approached.

I wanted to move forward to meet him. His hands shook as they raised towards my face, and I wanted to hold them, to tell him he didn't need to be so nervous. But that would have robbed him of the first time he reached out for me... even I wanted to savour that, even I was nervous. I heard something catch in his throat as the tips of his fingers found my cheeks, as though he'd been afraid I wasn't real. His hands felt warm as, finally, he pulled me towards him gently, and my eyes fluttered shut easily.

Yuri's first kiss was light, trembling, uncertain and short. His second was firmer, longer, learning quick. His third... I was impatient, fumbled for that awful tie of his, and yanked him into my arms and kissed him back properly. I could taste the sweetener from the coke he'd been drinking at the party, trying to keep himself awake. I wonder... was this what you had in mind when you asked for caffeine? You could have stopped there, with just a kiss, already more and better than I could have and  _had_  imagined...

But that's Yuri. Once committed, he's not tentative. He was like that training in Hasetsu, not holding back on getting into shape and learning jumps and honing his programs. With the door shut, the second he made me moan I could almost hear it in his head;  _I want to make you moan like that again_... and he grabbed my tie too, and started walking me backwards to the bed.

**[Umm... you look like you need a glass of water... or a fan... you sure you want to hear everything? We can jump to the end if you pref- okay... Well... Yuri's not here, and... I've... I've never talked about this with anyone... and all I wanted to do after was gush about it, so... I guess I can do that now.]**

Umm... heh. I don't know how much detail I want to tell now. I know Yuri left because he was shy, and... well. We're in his parents' house. Who are lovely, lovely people. When we came home after the Cup of China - bearing in mind they saw me kiss their son on live television - they weren't any different. I know that Toshiya-otosan questioned Yuri a bit -  _"he wanted to know if I was into guys now... it was so embarrassing!"_  - but... they're not the type to be afraid of what they do not understand. Their son was happy, they understood that, so they were happy. I cried when they said, after I brought Yuri home after he fell, to call them Oto-san and Oka-san.

I've gone off track, where was I...? Right...

I remember trying really hard not to laugh when he was unbuttoning my shirt. He said it was really weird; the buttons and holes were the wrong way round. I seized his face and kissed him hard to swallow my laugh down, because I  _really_ didn't want to deter him. I did some mercies, though I'm not sure I needed to... I switched off the main light, turned on the bedside so it wasn't pitch black, turned off the noisy air-con, and pulled the bed cover down so that he had some modesty. Yet he was the one who got on top, pushing me on to the bed. God, that was so sexy...

I saw the moment when he was unsure of what to do, and the moment that swiftly followed when he steeled his resolve and kissed me harder before gasping out something that I had to get him to repeat, so certain that I had misheard him.

I hadn't... oh god, I hadn't.

_"Show me how to touch you."_

I'd like to say I lasted. Nope... I was so turned on, so hungry for Yuri and his hand on me, alternatively kissing me and just reading my reactions on my face... I was putty in his hold. It was all over so quickly I was almost angry, disappointed in myself that I hadn't savoured it, hadn't made it last longer. So I shoved him on to his back as soon as I could breathe again, and, to torture him, vanished under the covers, so he couldn't see what I was doing to him, only  _feel_  it. Except he writhed so much, the covers started slipping anyway; I had to hold his hips down to keep him still where I needed him to. He slapped his hand over his mouth, which did nothing to muffle his moans.

I'm now thirty years old. The second sexiest thing I have ever heard was Yuri gasping out my name to warn me. You can guess the most. In the two and a half years that we've been sleeping together, I have made him do it again for me as many times as I can.

So you can imagine my dismay when I pulled the covers off my head and looked up to find him sobbing behind his hands. I literally just stared at him for a far longer moment that I should have done; I was horrified, why was he so upset? When I finally stopped just blinking at him I forgot myself and asked him in Russian if he was alright:  _"ty v poryadke, moya lyubov'?"_ Realising my mistake, I asked again in English, then had to think quickly to remember what it was in Japanese:  _"daijōbu_ _desu ka?"_  But he sobbed even harder then.

Starting to panic, I started to move away. But, feeling my movement, he gasped out my name again - a very different sound - sat up in a panic, seized my head and kissed me, hard, desperately, until he had to pull away because he couldn't breathe.

_"Ai..."_

My eyes widened. By then, I knew what that tiny word meant.

_"Aishteru... I -"_

I seized him again, silencing him. I didn't need to hear it in English.

 _"Watashi mo..."_  So many more syllables to remember for 'me too'.  _"Watashi mo."_

Yuri finally got some sleep that day, in my arms, murmuring gently on my chest. I switched off the light, and lay there with him in that tiny bed, pulling the covers up carefully around us, glad that I'd switched off the air con, what with our clothes forgotten on the floor. I couldn't get to sleep for a while, because...

OH GOD. I'd just taken his virginity. Yabai-yabai-yabai!

* * *

To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where I bow my head.
> 
> I'm a straight, celibate woman. I have absolutely no experience, obviously, of how it might be to be a sexually active, gay man. So I offer my sincerest apologies if anything I have written thus far is offensive to those readers who DO know what it is like. In this day and age, where things still aren't truly equal under the sun, as they ought to be, you have my highest respects for however you live and love.
> 
> Kei Katayama  
> aka Marie x


	8. Eighth Skate - The only one who can change that world

_The Draft_

* * *

EIGHTH SKATE

_The only one who can change that world_

* * *

* * *

_I... I barely notice when Yuri slips into the room. I'm still blinking at the table, whilst Victor smiles contentedly as Yuri sits next to him, and pulls him in to kiss his temple. He murmurs into Yuri's ear, who nods and gently takes hold of Victor's chin to pull him in in return, kissing his cheek._

_Then Yuri turns to address me, takes one look at my face, sighs and glares at his partner._ "How much did you tell him?!" _Victor answers with a playful grin, making Yuri sigh with exasperation. He turns back to me sympathetically._ "Sorry, Victor... err... forgets to filter."

 _I clear my throat, take a swig of my beer, cough, and decide I'm just going to have to forget the whole damn thing. Worst is, I'm_ jealous _. My first time was bloody awful, I certainly don't look back on it with the same fondness that Victor has._

So... umm... how was it, coming home after... err... _Christ, what's wrong with me?! Stop stammering!_

 _Yuri smiles sheepishly._ "Well... I was a lot more worried than I needed to be..."

 _Victor snorts._ "That doesn't sound like you at all."

 _Yuri throws another glare back at him, and then elaborates._ "I'd never talked about... relationships or anything with my family. I mean... there was nothing to talk about anyway... until Victor. And... I'd never known them to discuss their views on... sexuality before, so I didn't know whether it would bother them that... I... heh..."

 _I can't help it; I smile as Yuri runs out of steam. It's... cute. I get what he means though. When I came out to my parents, I was nearly sick with anxiety._ So how did they react?

 _Yuri shrugs._ "Well... they didn't, really. My sister teased me a bit, I think she said something like, 'I see I'm not the only one who likes pretty boys'." _Victor beams at the unexpected compliment of sorts._ "I guess... Mari-neechan stopped treating Victor like... like a guest, I guess." _Yuri looks to Victor, to check whether he would agree with that description. Victor thinks for a moment and then nods._ "And Oka-san and Oto-san... heh."

 _Victor grins._ "Well, Hiroko-okasan wasn't surprised."

 _Yuri shrinks into himself, blushing._ " _I_ was surprised..."

"I know. But she's your mother and she loves you, and you never talked about or brought girls home, so..." _And Victor shrugs, chuckling._ "Toshiya-otosan on the other hand..."

 _Yuri covers his eyes with his hands._ "He asked me what we do for... argh..." _Oh... oh boy._ "Oka-san had to tell him off and said it wasn't any more their business what I got up to in the bedroom than it was mine what they did in theirs... haaaah..."

_I'm reminded of my grandfather, who took my coming out the best amongst my relatives. He asked me whether I liked taking it up the bumhole or sticking it in... thanks Granddad._

"Oh, speaking of bedrooms," _Victor suddenly pipes up. Eeeh?!_ "They've put you up in Yuri's old room, it's next door to ours." _Oh... His innocent smile is at odds with Yuri's and my continued discomfort, and Yuri stares at his partner like he's an idiot for a moment._ "Eh? Nani?"

"Nothing," _Yuri replies with a chuckle, and then leans up and pecks him on the lips._ "Baka janai no," _he says affectionately._

_I remember my research, and how difficult some of it was to find, and think; Victor's never had to come out to his family. The Nikiforov family were near-aristocratically wealthy, but Victor has very few relatives, the only child of only children. His father died when he was very young child, and Victor has previously said he has almost no memory of his father as he was largely absent._

_He later boarded at the St Petersburg School of Ballet, one of the most prestigious in Russia. When he discovered figure skating, or more accurately when Yakov Feltsman discovered him through his ex-wife, former prima ballerina Lilia Baranovskaya, Victor begged his mother to allow him to remain in St Petersburg indefinitely to train, and so he was largely brought up by the Nikiforov housekeeper, a woman called Mrs Kachi. She passed away when Victor was twenty-two, prompting him to dedicate that season to her. He poured gratitude and affection on to the ice, and began his string of golds. As for his mother, she is alive and well, living abroad as a widow._

Have you met her? _I ask Yuri._

 _Victor looks surprised at the idea._ "My mother? No... I... I'm not even sure where she is right now. She has a yacht, last I heard she was in Monte Carlo." _There's no bitterness in this, which surprises me. I can't imagine not having a relationship of some sort with my mum._ "The closest thing I had to family really was Makkachin, and Makkachin loved Yuri and Yuri loved him. That's really all that matters to me."

 _There is sadness in that. Yuri visibly feels it too, but then Victor looks up at me with false cheer, and changes the subject._ "The real big test was introducing Yuri to the Motherland!"

 _Yuri chuckles._ "Is that how you think of it?"

 _Victor looks at him pointedly._ "Didn't you?"

_Whilst Yuri thinks on that, I get my own thoughts in order. What happened at the Rostelecom Cup that year?_

_Other commentators have said that Yuri Katsuki arrived in Moscow in the best mental state they had seen thus far. Even with that in mind, no one expected him to achieve another personal best for the Short Program, but he entered the ice strong and confident, and it showed in his skating. They said it must have been earning a Silver at the Cup of China spurring him on._

I think it was because he was getting laid...

 _Yuri turns the reddest I've seen him so far today, and I realise that I said that aloud. Oops... sorry. Victor laughs and agrees. It certainly wasn't the cheers of the crowd, who were calling_ Victor _'s name. Even when..._

 _Of course, the moment when Yuri pulled Victor in by his tie - which I'm now seeing in a_ whole _other light now - set the internet screaming._ So close _, all the otaku cooed. There's a lot of speculation on what these two said in that moment, what put Victor in his place after lapping up the attention from the home audience._

What did they say?

_Victor turns to Yuri patiently, to measure what he should say. So we're both shocked when Yuri suddenly grabs the collar of his robe and yanks him forward. Unfortunately, Victor doesn't keep his balance like he did in Moscow, and he topples inelegantly into Yuri's lap. As I stare wide eyed the two burst out laughing, and Victor rolls in Yuri's lap to carry on with the reenactment, even though the moment now lacks the same power it did then._

"The..." _Yuri giggles before pulling a serious face, leaning over Victor, their faces so very, very close._ "The performance has already begun, Victor."

 _Victor grins at him, not bothering to pretend to be serious._ "So da ne."

"Don't worry," _Yuri continues dramatically._ "I'll show my love to the whole of Russia."

 _He... he said..._ that _?! Victor starts giggling and then punches the air triumphantly._ "YEAH YOU DID!  _109.97!_ " _Even I start laughing. Yuri makes to sit up straight, but Victor scolds him quickly._ "Oi! Where are you going..." _And I gawp as Victor pulls Yuri down by the hem of his t-shirt to kiss him soundly._

_I don't know why I don't know where to look. I've spent the day with these two, spent several hours talking about deeply personal memories. Yet in this moment, I remember that these two are gold medal, world record holding, globally respected sporting heroes, and I just want to melt on my cushion. It's not even as though their kiss lasts particularly long; they've been together a couple of years, they don't kiss like they just met in a club, slobbering over each other's faces after too many shots of sambucca. They part after a moment, Yuri's cheeks rosy, and he lets Victor stretch over him to pick up a cushion and resettles his head in Yuri's lap, looking so content if he had a tail he would be wagging it. Yuri smiles affectionately down at him and then looks back up at me self-consciously._

"Umm... after that, I... I always remember it as Yurio's show," _he says with a smile._

 _Victor snorts from Yuri's lap, genuinely disgruntled._ "Better Yurio's than...  _King JJ_... Ugh..." _Yuri's face is far less cross, but he doesn't check Victor either. Huh._

_This year might be a potential comeback for Jean-Jacques Leroy of Canada. Despite winning golds at Skate Canada and the Rostelecom Cup that year, he succumbed to the pressure and floundered at the Grand Prix Final, pulling himself together just enough to make it on to the podium, with the two Yuri's well ahead of the rest of them. Since then, the podium has been dominated once again by Russia, with Victor at the top, with Plisetski snapping at his heels in Silver, and the rest ultimately competing for the bronze. Despite being a crowd favourite with his 'JJ Style' and liked amongst the commentariat, you'll struggle to find a peer who can say a good thing about him personally._

"That's because he's a -"

"Victor..." _Yuri warns._

 _Victor glares up at him._ "He's arrogant and patronising. I remember the year he debuted in the Seniors, he..." _He sits up to address me._ "I don't care who you are or how good you are, making it to the Grand Prix, being picked to represent your country... _it's a big deal_. It's an _enormous_ honour, we all work hard for that. The first time you are even selected to compete in the Grand Prix, being recognised as good enough to do so, it's  _mindblowing_. Yuri was rendered numb his first entry into the Final, Phichit made a point of enjoying every minute of it, of working hard to do his best even though he knew, quite frankly, that he wasn't going to get a medal out of it. Even Yurio took it very,  _very_ seriously. I remember what a  _dork_  I was when I first made it into the Grand Prix as a junior, let alone through to the Finals as a senior, how wide-eyed Chris was.  _We_ were all humble about it.  _King_ JJ treated it like it was... like it was his inheritance." _Victor flops back down into Yuri's lap._ "You'd think he'd have learnt  _some_  humility by now."

_I presume he'd referring to Leroy's private life, which Leroy has never treated as private. By the end of Yuri's winning season, during which Leroy didn't medal again internationally, he married Isabella Yang, and started preparing for his next season. The then nineteen-year old dedicated his programs to married life with her, his high school sweetheart. But before the season even started, a photo of him kissing another girl in a club went viral, and by the end of the season, despite a brief reconciliation, they had divorced._

_After that, Leroy failed to qualify for the Grand Prix Final; in interviews, he called it 'doing a Katsuki'. Many have remarked this before me, but the moniker was grossly unfair, let alone insensitive, and he really didn't have the right to use it; Leroy wasn't losing because of his technical scores, but because his presentation lacked imagination. 'Doing a Katsuki' these days means pulling out perfection when people least expect it._

"Anyway, enough about him," _Victor says, and waves the topic away like a bad smell._ "Yurio."

 _Yuri instantly smiles and nods._ "Yurio."

 _The two instantly turn into fanboys._ " _His_ Agape _was so good!_ "

"Oh, though he messed his first jump up."

"Hmm, too much anger."

"We really didn't help, did we, cheering for him?"

 _That's a pity. On live television, Victor got on his knees and kissed one of Yuri's skates after his PB score, and then Yuri spotted Plisetski before the Russian was about to go on. He cheered for him in Russian, before Victor did the same in Japanese, both completely forgetting they were being filmed. After, whilst Plisetski received his scores, Yuri, being interviewed at the time, was visibly torn between realising he was in the lead again, and sympathising for his fellow_ Onsen On Ice _rival._

_The contrast in their opinions between Plisetski and Leroy couldn't be more obvious. Yet Victor has never treated Leroy the same way he did Plisetski at his returning Grand Prix Final._

_I regret bringing it up. Victor goes deathly quiet._

_It is difficult to describe what happened accurately, as Plisetski refuses to speak of what was going through his mind. But Victor had just completed his short program and reclaimed the WR. When Plisetski came to do his Free Program, Victor and Yuri were watching from the stands, rapt. Plisetski's finale was set to be a quadruple flip, to match Victor's signature, but by then he had probably already worked out that he was not going to be able to top Victor's score. When he came to jump, he suddenly turned to face forward and for a split second there was total confusion; why was he doing a triple axel jump, a lesser scoring jump than the quad? There's argument as to which happened first, or whether it makes any difference, but if you freeze-frame the footage, you can see Plisetski's wide-eyes, and the audience had gone so quiet Yuri's sharp gasp is audible in the stadium as he realised that the boy - then only sixteen still - was attempting a quadruple axel. The jump has never been attempted, successfully or otherwise, in competition or exhibition; the same that had ruined Yuri's knee and ended his competitive career. In any case, Plisetski panicked, landed barely upright with both feet facing forward still, forgetting the axel's extra half turn, and wobbled through the remaining seconds of his program to finish. He was so shocked he forgot to bow to the shocked audience, and slowly he made his way to the kiss and cry, where Victor had already sprinted to. Not caring that he was being watched by the entire stadium, Victor furiously berated Plisetski harshly. The boy took the lecture, staring at the floor, until Yuri stepped forward, hushed Victor and pulled Plisetski into his arms, hugging him tightly, tearily proclaiming that he was glad Yurio was alright._

_It's the only time that anyone has seen Plisetski cry off the ice, or heard him apologise, which he did profusely, in Japanese. To date, his only comment on the attempted quad axel is that he will never attempt it again; just as he didn't need quads to win as a Junior, he can win the Seniors without the quad axel. He's stuck by his word ever since._

"Baka." _Yuri's hand pauses stroking Victor's hair, but he says nothing._ "He brought you katsudon pirozkhi at the hospital. He should have known better than to try such a stupid stunt."

 _Yuri remains measuredly silent. Then he looks up and sees the shocked look on my face. I... I am shocked. Victor is known for being carefree and level-headed... it was shocking then, how angry he was with Plisetski, and it's shocking now too. Yuri sighs._ "Don't worry. It's fine."

"No, it's not fine! It's only a matter of time before he tries something like that ag-"

"He's irritated because he hates remembering that he left Moscow."

 _Victor glares up at him. Yuri stares back down soberly. Victor then swallows._ "He still -"

"Yurio knows. And he didn't go through with it. And this year he'd going to get Gold without being that reckless, and next year, and the year after that. _And I told you to go_."

* * *

**Yuri?**

**Hai?**

**... Gomen.**

**Ie. Ī nda yo.**

**... I'm going to sit with Makkachin for a bit. Will you be alright by yourself?**

**Victor, it's fine. Go. You covered for me; my turn.**

**... Arigato.  
**

* * *

* * *

I felt sometimes like I was getting to know someone new: myself. And... he was pretty cool.

I mean, not really. Cool is not... I mean... eh... I mean that after China, I was realising a whole new side of myself that I have never known existed.

I was a lot more selfish than I had realised. I'd been privileged to live the life I had had. I always knew that, and forgave it because at least I knew that I was lucky to be able to do what I did, lucky that I had people who loved me and stuck by me, even though I'm awkward, and I cut myself off from people sometimes. I've learnt to be more open since, to not be so isolated, and I only learnt that because of Viktor... but really I did that after I was forced into retirement. I learnt that in order to help him get ready to return to skating - he needed to lose weight too, too much katsudon for him as well, though he was nowhere near as bad as me - and to help Minami-kun and Phichit-kun. But... ultimately I have always done what  _I_  wanted to do. I was never rude about it, like Yurio can be, but... anyway.

My point is... if I hadn't know it already, I knew this then: I  _really_  loved Victor, more than anyone ever in my life. Without thinking, I put him first when Mari-neechan called. And the more I thought about it, the more certain I became.

I knew that I would get nervous without him there. That I might completely mess it all up without him there watching my every move. I... I wasn't naive. But... I couldn't bear the idea of him going through what I had with Vicchan... being far away, unable to look after him in his final moments. Vicchan was my near constant companion as a child; my parents had to stop me smuggling him into school several times. I missed him when I went away to Detroit, but then time passed... When he died, a piece of my childhood was gone, and I couldn't even be there to appreciate it, to mourn him. Then I missed him painfully, and it mucked me up, going into the Grand Prix Final in Sochi. I wouldn't have Victor feel like that. I wouldn't!

It's not like I didn't know that I was putting my Grand Prix at risk. But... I was full of Victor's love. I knew that even without him there, I would try my best for him, to not let him down.

Still, I wasn't looking forward to going to bed alone. It had been a month between the Cup of China and the Rostelecom Cup... I'd gotten used to sleeping with Victor and Makkachin. I'm sure you can guess who was normally the big spoon and who the little spoon. And... I'd been looking forward to not... erm... using a pillow to muffle... err...

After Victor returned to Hasetsu after qualifying for the Grand Prix, we both admitted we never wanted to be apart like that again. For Victor's last season I never missed a single event, gave Minami-kun my apologies but cited conflict of interest - he had also qualified - and told Phichit I wouldn't be able to go out to choreograph in Bangkok all that often. Hence all the stickmen drawings in my room; the triplets have been filming my choreography so I can send it to Phichit with my notes, and we had long Skype sessions between Ice Castle and Imperial World. Victor's first season back was tough too... we got lucky; the NHK was in Osaka, far easier to get to than Paris when my leg was still aching every day. I could make it to Seoul without trouble for the Final, where Yurio scared the crap out of us with his near quad-axel.

Victor's okay, he's... he is angry with Yurio, for other things as well, but they're fine. At the time though, he was furious... I...

**[Victor... gomen...]**

I really wanted Yurio to make that axel. I really thought he would make it.

**[... I know. So did I.**

**It was still reckless, I know.**

**And insensitive. He knew what it had cost you. I'm still going to get pissed about it.**

**Only because you don't like being angry with me.**

**... I... I'm not -**

**I wasn't paying attention. I turned too much. It was my fault, not yours. I was angry with myself too.**

**... You didn't get to keep going... You never got your Grand Prix Gold... I-**

**You got it for me. It's okay. And Yurio's going to be okay too.]  
**

It's weird. On nice days like this, it is easy being with Victor. Kissing him, holding his hand, loving him. It wasn't always. It was hard at first. And we never had things easy either.

Now that he's retired... I wonder if it'll be easier or harder.

* * *

To be continued...


	9. Ninth Skate - Baka ga! Hang in-

_The Draft_

* * *

NINTH SKATE

_Baka-ga! Hang in-_

* * *

_This wasn't how I was expecting today to turn out._

_When my editor told me to get on a plane to Tokyo, to interview Victor Nikiforov regarding his retirement plans, I was told that Victor had insisted that his partner, Yuri Katsuki, be there too. Katsuki is well known for being an awkward interviewee, and rarely does his own press; Victor more often spoke for him or statements were issued that sounded like the workings of seven year olds... So I'm surprised that Yuri has stayed with us the whole day, other than after dinner, and... well, I hardly blame him._

_And I'm surprised that, at the end of the day, he's the one still talking, and Victor is sitting in complete silence._

"Is he okay?" _I ask in a whisper._

_Yuri nods. He looks back more solemnly. At the door he bows his head respectfully, and then quietly shuts the door, leaving Victor sitting before a shrine with photos of his beloved poodle, Makkachin. He gestures for me to follow._

When did Makkachin pass away?

 _Yuri stops ahead of me on the stairs and looks sadly down at me._ "Just after the New Year. Victor had won the Grand Prix Final, turned thirty... Makkachin was pretty old; he'd been with Victor since he was in the Juniors. He... he misses him still. We both do... He used to snuggle up with us in bed. We never needed hot water bottles in the winter, and it was too hot in the summer, but... I loved him too." _Yuri smiles fondly._  "He reminded me of my dog, Vicchan, from when I was a child. Makkachin was a smart boy... well, except that time with the manjuu."

_Less than an hour after Yuri's Personal Best score in the Short Program at the Rostelecom Cup, Yuri received a call from his sister, Mari, with bad news. Makkachin, who Victor had left with the Katsuki family, stole and choked on some manjuu, a Japanese sticky bun. Backstage in Moscow, Yuri insisted Victor return to Hasetsu to look after him. Makkachin pulled through, and was there to greet Yuri off the plane when he finally returned home._

_Victor's absence in Moscow led to a mixed performance at the Free Skate. His score was just good enough to slip him through into the Barcelona Final, but, of all the Free Skates at Rostelecom that year, it was the one that had everyone's attention. Even his falls told their own story within the narrative of_ Yuri On Ice _, which was inspired by his career as a figure skater. It has to be remembered that, under intense pressure, Yuri was always prone to flubbing. The fact that, of the total twelve jumps he attempted he only messed up four, and stayed on his feet for all of them, is a testament to how far he had come under Victor's coaching. Indeed, the power of the love that Yuri spoke of at his theme presentation._

 _Mila Babicheva was overheard putting it best:_ it's too bad. When you think of how it could've been with Victor here, you really want to see that, right?

_Thus, it is now described as the promise of what was to come._

_Just as we approach the door to his old bedroom, I see a nervous shiver go through Yuri, and he asks for me to wait a moment. Then he sprints to the door, slams it shut behind him, and after a minute comes out looking awkward, his arms full of paperwork on top of his MacBook._

"Heh-heh, sorry, I... we kind of use it as my... well, I guess my office."

_I try to peek at the papers, and spy the edges of doodles - rough stickmen in different positions - I guess the steps of a choreography for someone._

"Hai... Yurio's coming again next week -" Really?! "- Oh. Shimatta. I wasn't meant to... never mind." _He quickly dumps his things in the room next door, and lets me in to where I'll be sleeping tonight._

_This is where Yuri Katsuki grew up, I wonder to myself. The room's economical, with a single bed under the window and a desk and chair opposite, with built-in wardrobes and storage. My wheelie suitcase is sat next to the head of the bed, closest to the door. I take a guess, from the spartan absences, that he's ripped down the brainstorms from the walls, and I can tell where his laptop sat from the groves left behind. There's a framed photo of Victor, Yuri and Makkachin next to the space on the desk, taken on a bridge in St Petersburg. Intriguingly the photo isn't a selfie, and the more I peer at it, the more I think that they must have really liked the photographer; they're smiling right at me, happy in the moment. Yuri is holding Makkachin, the dog licking his face, upsetting his glasses, making him laugh as Victor hugs both of them._

"Yurio took that for us, my first day in St Petersburg," _Yuri tells me contentedly._ "I moved there with Victor for the winter after I won gold at the Japanese Nationals to train for the Four Continents, alongside Yurio with Yakov." _He then mutters something I don't understand, and it takes a moment to realise he's speaking in uneasy Russian. He smiles and translates:_ "I'd forgotten how intense it was, training with Yurio." _I don't think that's how he put it in Russian, but I certainly wouldn't be able to tell what he did say._

_In any case, I smile back, as I can only imagine. The Ice Tiger of Russia has permanently resting bitch face... Yuri laughs at the description._

"I guess so." _He smiles._ "It'll ruin his reputation, but... ever since the Rostelecom Cup, I always think of him smiling."

 _Smiling?! My face must say it all, because Yuri chuckles at me. Plisetski... smiling...?_ "He gave me his grandpa's katsudon-pirozhkis for my birthday and took me to his house in Moscow to meet him. Yurio smiles at home."

_I... I can't... I have no idea what that looks like..._

_Yuri sits down on the bed and gazes contemplatively at the walls. I sit on the desk chair, and wait for him to say what's on his mind. When he does speak, his eyes still on the empty walls, I sense that he's chosen to say something else._ "He started to cheer me on, during my Free Program. I... I was struggling, and then I heard his voice." _Yuri chuckles again._ "It made me think that he was an idiot for trying so hard!"

 _A strange thing to say, given that Plisetski scored a deserved personal best for his_ Appassionato _at Moscow, pushing the majority of his jumps into the second half for the 1.1 bonus. He hit the floor when it was over, exhausted, but the performance was spectacular. JJ Leroy's FP beat him by less than a single point to retain the gold._

"It made me refocus," _Yuri explains._ "I've always had better stamina, so I knew I could make it to the end." _He then pulls a face._ "It was still tough though, was going to be tough even if Victor had been there... I was a bit out of it after."

_So I've heard. Apparently he hugged, or tried to hug, everyone he came across backstage, and then disappeared entirely. Neither he nor Plisetski attended the post-event banquet, missing Leroy congratulating himself on his second gold medal in the GP series, and the Crispino twins bickering. Well, now I know where they went._

_Heavy snowfall meant severe delays at Sheremetyevo; Yuri didn't get back to Fukuoka for an extra day, having missed his connection. A fan posted a picture of his reunion at Arrivals with Victor, the two embracing, with Makkachin up on his hind legs pawing at Yuri. A sweet moment._

_Again, I sense Yuri holds back, smiling at his own thoughts privately. I begin to appreciate the effect that Victor has on him._

"That's when he proposed for the first time."

_We both look up at the door. Victor winks at me and then steps inside, takes Yuri's outstretched hand and sits next to him on the bed, fitting into Yuri's side, nesting his head in the crook of Yuri's neck. Yuri presses a kiss into Victor's hair, who melts tiredly into him. It's an awkward fit; the bed is too small and Victor is the taller, but it's where he wants to be and Yuri doesn't seem to notice or mind. Their fingers are threaded together, someone's ring glinting. I can't tell whose hand it is, which hand it is._

_Then I finally clock what he said. Proposed?!_

* * *

  __

* * *

**Feel a bit better now. I'm sorry for leaving you.**

**That's okay. Stop giving him the wrong idea though! It was _like_ a proposal, you said then, not an actual one.**

**Hmm, but I like remembering it that way!**

**Hai, hai...**

**It kind of was anyway though. _Please be my coach until I retire_ , you said.**

**... _I wish you'd never retire_ , you said.**

**... Still do.**

**Hey, you can't talk any more, you've retired too.**

**I know. What are we going to do now?**

**We... we'll figure that out together.**

**Promise?**

**Promise.**

**I'm going to hold you to that, you know!**

* * *

* * *

I've never actually spent a lot of time in Yuri's room. I never needed to.

When I first came to Hasetsu, this door was always shut, or being shut, in my face, Yuri hiding on the other side. I never minded; it's his bedroom, like I didn't understand the need for privacy. I had opened the door only once, to invite - well, not invite,  _insist_  really - him to the beach. But I never passed the threshold... until I returned from Russia without him.

Mari-neechan picked me up from the airport, and took me straight to the veterinarian hospital. I got there in time to stroke Makkachin's silly head before they sedated him, and then I waited for his operation to be over. I called him Bakkachin in my head, I was so anxious. If I had lost him then... I felt like the universe would of been trying to tell me something. It felt like I was being tested... and punished. Punished for having the ambitions I had for Yuri, punished for letting people down by picking him over their expectations. But the idea of it made me scoff; I damn well wasn't going to lose either of them. Makkachin was going to be fine, and so would Yuri, and he'd come home to me soon and we'd prepare for Barcelona together.

Then Makkachin's operation was successful and he was sleeping, to be kept in to check he was going to be okay. He wasn't a young dog anymore by then, even if he forgot that himself, running off after Yuri all the time. Mari took me home - I even thought of it as  _home_  then, and I realised... with the time zones, I stood a chance of catching Yuri's Free Skate. I called the Nishigoris', apologised profusely for waking them, though they were up anyway, and got a website address from the triplets...

Oh Yuri... I was so proud of you.

I wish we had competed together before Sochi, at one of the earlier stages. By then I had already heard about you, was eager to see you perform live; everyone said your spins and steps were out of this world, that you were a contender to surpass me... if you could only sort out your jumps. I saw you before you went on... in a world of your own, so visibly nervous that I even asked Chris whether he thought you were alright. At one point I was certain you were going to be sick, right before you went on.

I hated watching your Rostelecom Cup performance on my laptop. Not because of your skating - I watched it again and again - but I hated having to watch through a camera. After months of seeing you skate right in front of me,  _for_  me... it made me feel sick too. I couldn't cheer you on, I couldn't be there at the kiss and cry, not even there for you to stretch out towards at the end. I had been so wrapped up in getting to Hasetsu for Makkachin we never figured out a way of making that happen, with all the technology we have at our disposal. When we switched, and you couldn't be there for me in Paris, we had Phichit who could get you to the edge of the ice through his phone. Even then... it's not the same at all.

You got through though. You stumbled because you'd lost yourself there a bit, didn't you? But you were also able to pull yourself together. You didn't crash out. It was still beautiful. I always said your presentation scores would get you through. They all were right; maybe I'm biased, but I envy how you can skate. When  _you_  trained  _me_  for the Grand Prix series... I had to work hard to keep up with the pace you set me.

I miss your skating so much. I... I was so angry when you fell. I hated that I was angry, even as my heart was breaking for you. I... I was so scared I'd lose you...

**[I didn't hit my head, Victor, it wasn't that bad -**

**You know what I mean.**

**... Hai... I do know. I was scared I was going to lose you too. You couldn't coach me anymore, there wasn't a reason for you to stay with me. I... I'm so glad that you did...** **T** **he two best things in my life... I... because of you, I don't miss skating as much.**

**... Me too.]**

I crossed the threshold.

I needed to see his room, his space, feel like he was with me, like any moment now he'd come and freak out that I was there. It felt wrong the second I stepped in. There is no replicating how Yuri makes me feel when he's right there with me, never has been.

Since we had returned from Beijing he hadn't slept in there. Our first night back he crept into my bed after he was sure that everyone else was asleep, although it was awkward; Makkachin was there in the bed, and the walls were thin, his parents snoring on the other side of the house, the faint sound of J-Pop through Mari's headphones on full blast. So we had to be careful, and we kicked Makkachin out so he could sleep in Yuri's bed instead. Makkachin didn't seem to mind; I think he'd gotten used to that. I could tell by the hairs, the messy patterns left on the duvet. Silly boy... he got confused when I brought him home and cuddled with him again, waiting for Yuri to get out of snowed-in Moscow.

I know now that by the time I got my Yuri back, he had already begun to think some very silly things about the future without asking me first. I wouldn't find that out until Barcelona, but then... when he ran into my arms, when he held me and asked me to be his coach until he retired, it... it was a proposal, damn it. He was asking me to stay in his life for the indefinite future, or so I thought. By then, having felt at home in his home, feeling like he belonged more in my bed than in his own, feeling like he belonged in my arms always, like I belonged in his... I would have said yes.

I have said yes.

* * *

* * *

We... we have a list. We haven't discussed it seriously, at all, but... we had to think about it.

  * Argentina
  * Australia
  * Belgium
  * Brazil
  * Canada
  * Colombia
  * Denmark
  * Finland
  * France
  * Germany
  * Iceland
  * Ireland
  * Luxembourg
  * Malta
  * Mexico
  * The Netherlands
  * New Zealand
  * Norway
  * Portugal
  * South Africa
  * Spain
  * Sweden
  * The UK
  * The US
  * Uruguay



The world is changing. It won't be long before this list is out of date. Maybe one day Japan and Russia will appear on it. Then... maybe...

Yes, too.

* * *

To be continued...


	10. Interlude - L's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's take a break...

_The Draft_

* * *

 INTERLUDE

_L's_

* * *

* * *

Our guest is snoring gently next door. It's not unpleasant to listen to; an inoffensive murmur. I'm glad he's sleeping so well.

Yuri, his head on my stomach with his earphones in, can't hear. Earlier I chuckled and he looked up at me questioningly when his pillow rumbled, and he smiled too when he paused the music and listened. He looked like he wanted to say it - 'it reminds me of Makkachin' - but he didn't. I smiled, and said it instead.

I'm reminded of when I first came here, three years ago. Makkachin used to lie on me where Yuri's head is now sometimes, and snuffle at me to stroke his head. I run my fingers through Yuri's hair, massaging his scalp, and his pencil hesitates as he sighs contentedly. Sometimes when I do this he'll reluctantly tell me off, because I'm distracting him from his work. So I tell him not to bring his work to bed. He never means it and I never mean it though, and we know that, so it's okay.

Back then he was the one next door, and he slept soundlessly most nights; sometimes I couldn't be certain if he was there or not, if he'd escaped to practice.

I was trying to read just now, but I'm too distracted myself. It's been a long day, and I'm tired and comfortable where I am, and my head is restless. I put my book down, rub my eyes under my reading glasses. I'm getting used to them still, I'm not sure if I like glasses... I mean, wearing them myself. On Yuri, they're so specifically part of his face that they belong there, but only in particular contexts. He looks strange wearing them when he's on the ice, even when choreographing or practicing. Obviously he doesn't wear them in the bath or asleep. So transformative, those blue-framed glasses of his. Whereas mine... they're clear, practically invisible; no rims, everything transparent. I meant them like that so they barely impact my face, but they still do; I look _ancient_ with them on, I hate them!

I take them off, put them on the bedside table and look down at Yuri on my belly, devoting both my hands to play with his hair. I can hear the music he's listening to bleeding out of the earphones... I wonder who this is for? I peer at his phone: _Endlessness_ , by Really Slow Motion. From what I can hear, it sounds eery, haunting, growing with powerful drums that sound like explosions... it's fantastical, hammering... the audience will have a tough time being heard cheering and clapping over this.

This is how Yuri starts. He did this for Minami, for his first season as a choreographer (and unofficial coach). They met at Ice Castle, Minami played the music he'd picked and the theme ideas that they provoked or that he wanted to tease out of them, and showed some pieces that he'd been working on, demonstrated his best technicals. Then Yuri took the music home, let it all stew in his head overnight, sometimes longer. Phichit's took a couple of weeks, and then he was churning choreography out at all hours, he picked up his old sleeping patterns. He's been playing this same piece of music (which is just under three minutes, so it'll need a bit of cutting for a Short Program) on repeat for nearly an hour.

Not for no reason though. His notes are a mess of brainstorms, random key words, and then he's honed them into what he's doing now: mapping out the stresses in the music that will lend to jumps, spins, step sequences. Whoever this is for... phew... they're going to need their stamina: their technicals are packed into the second half. The spin's going to be at the minute mark, and the jumps not until the final minute. I'm not sure what's forming in Yuri's head yet, but I can sense that it'll be dramatic, epic in expression. It's going to be tough for whoever it'll be for, but they'll win with this. Or at least, _Yuri_ would win with it. I would win with it.

Well, not anymore.

I've spent the day avoiding one particular topic; why I'm retiring _now_. The official story is some PR line about starting a new chapter, of having accomplished more than I could have ever dreamed of, blah-blah. That's all true, sincerely, but... honestly...

I'm getting on a bit.

This time last year, I realised I was feeling it more: the brutal force of the jumps, the training, the travelling even. But I didn't want it to end just yet. As much as I loved skating to _History Maker_ and _You Only Live Once_ , I skated to them with motivations I'd never had before; it was for Yuri, to showcase his last intentions to the world in all their brilliance. But it wasn't... I might as well say it, _it wasn't about me_.

So Yuri and I talked. We talked about whether he wanted to return himself. We've been asked plenty of times whether he'll stage a comeback, and even though we're telling the truth it never seems to be taken at face value; he doesn't want to. He's got the all clear - he can do jumps again; toe loops, flips, lutzes, axels, salchows and loops... it's just that he's nervous about them, plays it on the safe side - but... he loves what he does now. Seeing _The King and the Skater_ come to life in Bangkok, Minami do so well, encouraging me... what should have been a horrendous year had turned into a really good one for him.

Daftly I find myself envying Yuri; he's more or less exclusively based in Hasetsu, apart from the odd trip to Bangkok. He's healthy and happy, and he has a better idea of what he wants to do than I do now. It would so easy to just copy him, to be a coach again. But for who? Plenty of people have asked me already. But... I don't want to coach anyone again. It... it feels like cheating! I'm _Yuri's_ coach, what we had in that first year together... I don't want to have that with anyone else, _any of it_. Not that that was normal (there are rules, I just didn't care) but... I wanted _him_ to succeed. I wanted _Yuri_ to skate. I... I don't give a damn about anyone else.

I would be more worried about the fact that I don't have a plan if I didn't have him. Yuri... I know I shouldn't think too much like this, but as long as I'm with him, I don't really care what I do from this point on. Don't get me wrong; whatever I'll do, I want it to have purpose, to challenge me, and I want to enjoy it, but ultimately I know that I _am_ going to figure that out eventually. Yuri's not worried about me; he's told me that. He worried - and worries - that I would miss the ice, that I would miss preparing for the next season. I do miss it, but not enough to take back my retirement. I can't compete forever. I know that really I'm quitting now before I hurt myself or... well, or worse before I lose. I don't want to go out like that, with silvers or bronzes... or worse not even make it on to the podium. I only kiss golds.

Or him. As I stroke Yuri's hair, that's how I think of him. My ultimate gold. I know if I stop stroking his hair now he'll frown, that it'll distract him from the music and the skating in his head, so even though I really do want to kiss him right now I don't. I want to see what's in his head; I know he'll show me in a couple of days, once we're done with this interview.

This is nice. Just being here, with him. We've had some bad times, along with the good times. I've never had to say it out loud, but he knows that I swore to myself after the Cup of China that I would never make him cry like that again. He has cried like that since - many times, after his leg... I _hated_ seeing him like that, _hate_ seeing him like that - and he's seen me cry even worse than he made me in Barcelona. I remember even recently, when Makkachin passed away, I sobbed and sobbed; he held me so tightly. Ah Makkachin... I know that Yuri's lying his head on my belly _because_ that's what Makkachin used to do. It's certainly not because it's good for him or because it feels comfortable; he keeps shuffling, readjusting to avoid a crick in his neck.

I'm glad that Makkachin loved Yuri so much. Can you imagine if he hadn't? I'd probably have gone back to Russia, annoyed that I didn't get anywhere.

Speaking of annoying... I love Yuri, more than I've ever loved anyone, but he... he does my head in sometimes...

He doesn't mean to. Really, he doesn't. And I know that if I told him half of the things that he does that irritate me when they irritate me he'd change them, because that's how he is. And the reason I don't tell him half of them is because _I'm_  being the problem, not him (sometimes it is him, I'm not that silly), but I don't actually want him to _stop_. I know the feeling's mutual.

Like this right now. If I was having a bad day, this would piss me off, the fact that he's got his headphones on and he's paying me no attention whatsoever. But that's just me being a brat, so I would keep my mouth shut... and punish him later by making him want to _scream_. It's because he's skating (in his head) and I can't see it; I'm always greedy for his skating. No... I'm never going to remember my first year back with much fondness, compared to other years before and since, because... that year, half the time he was thinking about Minami or _The King and the Skater_.

I was so... _jealous_. I hated it... I hated feeling like that, and I hated _that_ I felt like that. It... I've never thought of myself as a bad person, but I did then. He was recovering, was doing what he had to to stave off depression - we'd talked about that, he'd told me he was afraid of feeling depressed after that, he was so afraid he cried in my arms in this bed - so I never... I never said anything about how I was feeling about him coaching Minami. I told him I was nervous about returning, about learning his programs, about leaving him to train with Yakov... I never told him that I was jealous of Minami, because he got to have Yuri almost without restriction... until I got back from Paris and he couldn't pick me up from Fukuoka.

Just as we decided that Yuri going to Paris - the fastest route is still sixteen hours of discomfort - wasn't worth it, because I'd be worrying about him and whether he was okay instead of focusing on my skating, we both decided that he wasn't going to pick me up. He was going to, before my flight got delayed; he was going to bring Makkachin and we'd all get the train back to Hasetsu together. When we worked out when I would actually get home - that was an expensive phone bill - we both agreed, both of us reluctantly, that he ought to keep his appointment with Minami and I would get there when I got there. The picking-me-up-from-the-airport thing is not important anyway. I didn't say anything when I joined them at the rink, just savoured being able to hold him again. But when we got home...

The best thing was that he'd already figured it out himself, was ready to talk and listen. Nothing I said, nothing that came out of my mouth was a surprise to him. Not when I told him that I missed him, missed having him to myself, was jealous because it was my year and he wasn't exclusively mine to support me through it. Not when I told him that I wished, selfishly, that he had come to Paris anyway, that I wished he had come with me back to St Petersburg when I was qualifying for the season. That it wasn't fair that I had sacrificed my home, my career for his, and now that the tables had turned he hadn't done the same for me. That I hated feeling like that... that I hated that _he_ made me feel like that, that I'd been made so vulnerable...

I remember so clearly how he looked at me then, when I'd run out of things to say. I had tears streaming down my face angrily, had rubbed my cheeks red trying to clear them away. He just looked at me like... like he had after I lied and told him I'd resign in Beijing - and then he... he looked at the floor when tears started streaming down his face too, and I realised he was angry, _furious_ even... but not with me. He rubbed at his eyes angrily too, and nodded. _"I know"_ , he said. And then the first thing he said sorry for was that it had taken so long for me to be able to say any of that, that I hadn't felt like I could say it all.

Yuri hadn't liked being that far apart for my first Grand Prix event any more than I had. He'd already told Minami that he wouldn't be available any more for training, that Minami ought to focus on training at his home rink with his actual coach, and that he'd support him as much as he could for all his competitions where they didn't conflict with mine. When Phichit came along with his pitch for _The King and the Skater_ , Yuri had ground rules about how often he could be away and when were appropriate times to work on it; I had Yuri all day, and he'd work on _the Skater_ in the evening from his old room and quietly creep into bed. Sometimes he woke me up and I'd tug him into my arms; sometimes I woke in the morning to find myself in his, or he'd be on the other side of Makkachin. And some nights I claimed him for myself anyway, and some nights he didn't go into his... let's just start calling it his office, that's what it is now, I only call it 'his room' because that's what it used to be... some nights he didn't go into his office at all, and came straight to me. I got my Yuri back...

I feel a kiss on my knuckles and look down, startled. Yuri smiles up at me; I've been so lost in my thoughts I didn't notice him turn off the music or take off his headphones, or even when he took my hand from his head. "Hi," he says.

I smile back, and return his kiss on his knuckles, keep his hand on my chest. "Hi."

"Daijōbu?"

I... I have to think for a second. Right now... right now, we're here. All that stuff's in the past, over, done. Right here, right now, I have Yuri, with his steadfast blue glasses and a t-shirt that I wish fitted him a little tighter and shorts that I wish the same... and his smile, that widens as he reads on my face that I'll be just fine if -

He moves.

* * *

Where did he go?

Ages ago I had to point out to Victor that, as much as he accuses me of vanishing into my own headspace, he does exactly the same. He's just as pensive as I am, except... apparently I'm easier to read. I don't always know where he ends up.

I only noticed really because he stopped stroking my scalp, which was making me feel sleepy. I'd stopped paying attention to Guang-Hong's Short Program piece - he told me he'd heard it in a game advertisement, and wanted his theme this season to be _Adventure_. His coach is currently drafting a Free Program to music from _Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon_ , which is going to be  _epic_ \- and had just been enjoying drifting along to the music and to the feel of Victor's fingers in my hair. Then he slowly came to a stop - I don't think he realised he had - and I looked up and he was staring unseeingly into the distance. So I turned the repeat off, let the music come to its end, took his hand from my hair, and brought him back to me. He looked relieved for a second. Then... _I know that look_.

I put everything to one side, and crawl up his body, straddling his hips. His fingers return to my hair, at the back, but I don't let him pull me in, not yet. Victor likes teasing, and being teased... he's not getting a kiss just yet. Even though I giggle at his whine I rest my chin on his chest, just far enough away. "Off? Or on?" I ask. He knows what I mean. Are his thoughts off or on the ice? I can't remember the last time he didn't know what I meant.

His smile falters. I know the answer before he says it. "Off..."

I reach out and tuck his hair back behind his ear, for a glimpse of his left eye before his hair falls back again as it always does. "Want to talk about it?"

He blinks pensively for a moment, and then shakes his head at me. I start to burn from the fire that ignites in his eyes. "No..."

I don't just let him pull me in, I push forward, and dig my hands under Victor's shoulders to hold him tight to me... oh god... even after two and half years...

My hands don't shake like they used to, like they did the first time we did this, when Victor helps me peel off my t-shirt, when we push my shorts and his pyjama bottoms down enough. I know how to kiss now, how to kiss him... he's learnt I don't like tongues - I mean, I don't mind, it's just... a bit... slobbery - and... err... let's just say there's not much point in getting lubricant out right now, because we're both... loud, when... err...

I don't wince when Victor's hands grip my ass, grinding his hips against mine, and when he tilts his head back, eyes closed in bliss, biting his lip to not moan - I can still hear Heradi-kun snoring gently next door, and the signature quiet of the house - and I latch on to his neck, muffling my own moans against his pulse, sucking until he hisses. The twenty-two year old me would never have done this, would have shrieked aloud at the thought of being on top of Victor like this (or being beneath). I'm still shy and awkward and I still don't know how to be around other people sometimes, but... behind closed doors, I'm the one who pulled Victor's tie and claimed him before a crowd of his fellow countrymen and women. I'm his Eros. And right now I want my boyfriend to keep doing exactly what he's doing because _it feels so good... don't stop... oh god, I'm going to shout his name, pillow now -_

I grab the pillow under his head and bite hard on it, shaking and still grinding against him because _I can't stop_ and as I muffle the vowel sounds of Victor's name into the pillow his fingernails dig into my lower back, shuddering as he buries his face into my neck, the tail-end of my name gritted out. My knees on either side of him give out, but he holds on to me, refusing to let me roll to one side, and I slide back to rest my cheek on his shoulder, breathing hard. I can see the awe on Victor's face in profile... and I think... I've never seen anyone look as beautiful as he does in moments like these.

Victor kisses me, rolls me to his side, rolling with me so our hips remain locked, reaches back for a tissue and cleans us both up, and kisses me again. Sleepily, tenderly, and when I open my eyes again his remain hooded, tired. No stamina! I kiss him back quick, and then sit up to reach for the duvet folded at the end of the bed, and I awkwardly pull my shorts back on, leave my t-shirt on the floor, and when I'm back in Victor's arms he too has sorted his pyjama bottoms out, and he tucks himself into my arms, settling so my chin is on his fringe. It's not often I play the big spoon; I don't mind.

"Tomorrow..." Victor nudges his chin against my chest. "Tomorrow, let's go to the beach."

I smile and nod. I like that idea. We haven't been down there for a while, not since Makkachin passed away. On the rare occasions that we decided to take a break from training we'd take him down there for a long walk, chuck driftwood sticks for him because he refused to be old. It's where we go to talk seriously, about where we are and where we're going, always has been.

I start to think of everything we've talked about today, but... I'm satisfied, my body's humming with Victor's skin against mine, and... yes, he's already fallen asleep.

I smile. Right here, right now... I have everything I want. Even my twenty-two year old self would think I was a lucky bastard.

* * *

 

* * *

To be continued...

 


	11. Tenth Skate - Something you don't need to think about

_The Draft_

* * *

TENTH SKATE

_Something you don't need to think about_

* * *

_I thought I'd sleep badly, between the jet lag and my excitement. I was trying to listen in to the couple next door; for a while I could hear Victor's distinct Russian accent tease Yuri, and his answering gentle laugh. Then they fell to silence, bar the flutter of turning pages and muffled drums... and then the combination of the onsen, good food, good company and a long day made me sleep like the dead. I woke when Yuri knocked on the door._

"Breakfast's ready. Victor and I were thinking of taking you to the beach before putting you on the train."

_Right... I have to get back to Tokyo. And write an article. About Victor's retirement plans. And I spent all of yesterday talking about Yuri. And him, as in Yuri-and-Victor, Victor-and-Yuri. Which has been absolutely amazing, but I've got nothing for my editor. Crap... I'm so dead..._

_But there was too much noise at breakfast to get a word in. The Katsuki family were all busy getting the onsen ready for business, whilst rushing to eat themselves, speaking so quickly in Japanese even if I was fluent I still wouldn't understand - Victor, who's been learning, caught my eye and shrugged too with a laugh. To my amazement, I was treated to the sight of Yuri and Victor washing up after everybody._

_Victor laughed again at the look on my face._ "What? I've been living here for three years, it's not like I'm a guest anymore. You however are  _our_ guest, so sit and eat."

_The radio was on, and Victor was dancing, totally lacking in self-consciousness, and with far more energy than seemed necessary in the morning. He dried as Yuri washed, knowing where all the dishes went back._

"Yuri! Dance with me!"

 _Yuri chuckled despite himself and shook his head._ "N-Not in here. I broke a plate last time." _Last time? Victor ignored him, sidled up behind him and made him sway to the rhythm, cheek-to-cheek, until Yuri passed him a handful of chopsticks to dry._

_It reminds me of the Barcelona Grand Prix Final banquet. The internet was abuzz as social media sites were flooded with live videos of the finalists partying together. Yuri and Victor did a drunken tango with a bottle of champagne - their third between them, the captions read - as Otabek Altin got Yuri Plisetski to loosen up and boogie together, many many fellow skaters joining in, abandoning all etiquette. Amongst the memorable snaps that night is a selfie of Giacometti with Minako Okukawa, the skater gushing as he realised that he'd been graced with a crown of roses and a dance by one of the greatest Japanese ballet dancers, and the dancer in tears because he knew who she was. In Italy and the Czech Republic the gossip mags got their day as Sala Crispino boldly got with Emil Nekola, starting an On/Off relationship that looks like it might be On for a while now that she's moved to Prague to train and her brother has stopped trying to kill him. Yuri flung himself into Victor's arms in another; they fell over, and there's a cute photo of the two laughing on the floor together._

_And, muddled in amongst the photos, the radio silence on the previous final's banquet was broken by an accidental post of the two Yuri's having a dance off. It didn't take long for the internet to point out that the photos weren't from the banquet hall in Barcelona, and that Plisetski was wearing last year's suit..._

"A testament to two things, the banquet in Sochi," _Victor tells me, as we walk along the beach._ "Toshiya Katsuki's all out Kyushu-style drunkenness that he passed to his son, and Yuri's stamina. How you could dance, let alone stand, after sixteen glasses of champagne, truly amazes me..."

_It's also a testament to how Victor Nikiforov dominated the figure skating world. He managed to convince an entire room of competitive skaters, coaches, journalists, sponsors, sporting officials and many more to pretend the escapades at the Sochi banquet never happened. Many, it seems, were happy to brush the incident, whereby a senior and junior competitor had an all-out dance-off, another senior skater used a post to pole dance in nothing but his purple pants, under the carpet. It was the first time in quite some time that the party could not be described as boring._

"How did you do that?" _Yuri asks him, his cheeks flaming red._

 _Victor just blinks at him._ "I just asked them not to embarrass you, that's all. I did some extra interviews and promised it would never happen again and everyone was happy. I didn't realise you were going to pass out and forget the whole thing!" _He turns to me with a long suffering look._ "Honestly, he was such a tease. I was  _completely_  seduced by him - and I didn't speak Japanese back then, hadn't the faintest idea what he was saying most of the time. Him and his silly tie round his head, slurring so badly the Japanese delegates couldn't understand you either, and dancing like a  _god_  - and then the next day when I asked Celestino for your room number and I knocked on the door, you didn't even ask who it was, you just shouted 'go away'! And then I heard you puke."

 _Well, that sounds lovely... Victor laughs as Yuri pulls a face, not enjoying the memory half as much as his partner is. I've got some interesting stories on how I met some of my exes, but I didn't meet any of them quite like that. Actually... now I think of it... essentially Yuri got really drunk at a party and made a fool of himself... sounds like how_ most _of my exes met me._

"Oh Yuri, don't look at me like that," _Victor says gently, throwing his arm round his shoulders._ "You won the dance off, so I came to your family's onsen and became your coach, just as you asked." _And he flourishes: ta-da!_

"Demo... it's still embarrassing!" _Yuri complains weakly._

"Was it? You were amazing! I never, ever expected you to dance like that, with such abandon. It was fun! You know me; I love surprises." _The two savour that thought for a moment tenderly, before Victor turns back to me again._ "For my thirtieth birthday, Yuri asked loads of our friends to film a rendition of  _Stay Close To Me_ , and he edited them all together with his own video,  _that_  video. He asked them all  _in person_ , during the Grand Prix series; Chris, Yurio, Phichit, Leo, Guang Hong, Otabek, Mila, Sala and Michele, Emil... the triplets, and Minako in her studio, his parents even, the regulars at Yu-Topia in just some towels..."

 _We sit on the sand as he plays the video in question on his phone. It's... brilliant. It begins with Yuri coaxing Makkachin to mimic the exact way Victor turned his head at the beginning of his_ Stay Close To Me _free skate, using manjuu to tempt the dog. Then it cuts to Yuri's rendition, when he was quite a bit porkier, to Giacometti hammering it up for dramatic effect, and so on. Overall effect is a little rough and amateur, as each person's rendition is in a completely different location, on different cameras - Chulanont even does his with a selfie stick - but the program is completely rendered, even timed perfectly to the music. The final combination spin is done by Yuri at Ice Castle Hasetsu from the present day, in the blue and silver costume he wore for their exhibition at Barcelona, and the video ends with all of the participants wishing Victor a happy thirtieth birthday, some hoping to see him soon, some making quick jokes. The very last shot is of Yuri speaking into his laptop's camera, his face lit up by the screen glow and his desk lamp late at night, whispering in Russian, Makkachin wagging his tail on the bed behind him._

"I love you too," _Victor says sincerely to the real Yuri at his side, and kisses him._ "Best birthday present ever, apart from..." _And he gestures to the ring on his finger, the ring that matches Yuri's, which they famously bought in Barcelona before Yuri's last Grand Prix Final began._ "That was the best surprise."

_There are a lot of conflicting stories about the pair rings that these two wear. First noticed by Phichit Chulanont in a restaurant during a rare group meal, he announced with great happiness that his good friend had gotten married. At the same table, Victor was overheard saying that they were engagement rings, and that they would get married when Yuri won a gold medal. JJ Leroy then crashed the dinner and boasted that the only impending nuptials were his own. Of course, neither won the gold, and whilst the Canadian did get married it was not to last. Meanwhile, as far as anyone knows, Victor and Yuri have yet to tie the knot..._

"Well, we can't anyway," _Victor points out, unperturbed._ "They don't have same-sex marriages in Japan or in Russia."

Do they not want to get married somewhere else then? Such as Spain, or the growing list of countries that have legalised same-sex marriages?

"I think..." _Yuri starts slowly, picking his words carefully._ "I think that, in many ways, we already are anyway, in the ways that matter to us. We live together, we're committed to staying together, we're faithful to each other, we make decisions on the future together. The rest... we're still figuring out anyway."

_He looks to Victor, who nods and kisses him again, Yuri meeting him halfway, and they stay forehead to forehead for a moment before Victor rests his head into Yuri's shoulder with a contented sigh._

_They've forgotten I'm here again. That's okay; it's a nice spot here. I can hear the gulls. There's fishing boat chugging over the water. It's breezy, bringing with it the smell of the sea and the forest behind us. This could be anywhere in the world really, but it doesn't feel that way._

_I feel very honoured to be here. I am a witness to the love that these two men have for each other, a love so specific to them, born of unique experiences and unique personalities that I can't even envy them. If I am ever blessed with love like this, I know it will not be like this._

_For starters, I'm only me._

* * *

**Should we tell him?**

**... About why we asked for him to interview us? No...**

**But the photos are so good...!**

**Victor...**

**Hai, hai...**

**His boyfriend had just dumped him. On FaceTime, from the other side of the world. I'm pretty sure he doesn't remember the rest, so let's not be mean and remind him.**

**Hmm. Tough break. That was a dick move, dumping him because he called whilst he was at work. He was excited; he was meeting his heroes for the first time! I'd call and disturb you too!**

**You have.**

**Have I?**

**From Paris. When you met Hanyu-san. You woke me up.**

**... Oh yeah. His skating was so awesome!**

**I _know_. You kept asking me to translate that to him. In Russian.**

**He speaks Russian?**

**No... you do. Particularly when you've had shots...**

**... Oh. Gomen. So, we're really not going to tell him?**

**That after his boyfriend of six weeks dumped him on FaceTime because he was gushing about quadruple salchows and he thought he was too geeky for him, he then drank 18 glasses of champagne and asked me to be his wingman, only to make out with Chris, who doesn't remember him either...?**

**... Hmm, maybe not. Should we make something up? He must be wondering why you picked him.**

**Only because you told him I did! It was a gut feeling**   **anyway... I liked how awkward he was. Other journalists always seem a bit too... put together. I don't like doing interviews with people who are like mirrors. He's terrible at hiding that he doesn't know what he's doing, which makes me feel like it's okay that I don't know what I'm doing either!**

**Oh Yuri. He reminds me of Minami a bit. Without the red hair and with a few extra pounds. I like him, I hope he does alright out of this.**

**He's meant to be here to write about your retirement, and we've just talked about my Grand Prix.**

**So he can write about that instead. It'll be fine!**

**For you too...**

**I know. What was it you said... Don't take your eyes off me, alright?**

**Hmm! Want to talk about it now?**

**About my retirement? With... No.**

**Victor...**

**I keep thinking of Barcelona. About...**

* * *

* * *

It was heavier than I had expected.

Not... as in its literal weight. More... its presence. From the moment Yuri pointed at it in the case in Maria Dolores, I could almost feel it on my hand before he put it on me. Except... I felt it on the other.

I knew that Yuri didn't specifically intend these rings as an engagement, or anything like that. I know he wanted them to be... a memorial, or a marker. Something to symbolise how important I was to him, the difference I had made to his life... an acknowledgement of what I had given up to pick him and stick with him, something to show his gratitude, and a promise that he would make it worth it. It was why his ring came with thanks, and mine to him came with luck.

Of course, in some ways, that  _still_  sounds like a proposal...

What I mean is... I know now that Yuri was already envisaging a point in the future when it was all over. He wouldn't need me as a coach forever, and when he didn't, I was free to go back to the ice myself. He didn't see himself in that picture, wasn't thinking of himself at all, because I didn't  _need_  him like that. _I did_ , but even I wouldn't have predicted that then. But I knew that his ring came with no strings attached. I could take it, and go, and look back on a time when he loved me with fondness.

Except... when he picked it... I froze... I...

We had only been together a couple of months, even though I'd been his coach for longer. Really, I had only known  _of_  him a year. When measured like that, it didn't feel very long at all, yet it felt like it had _always_ been like that. I had found love in his life, life in his love. I wanted it to last forever. I... I  _wanted_  it to be that type of ring... without freaking the hell out of him, of course. Without freaking out myself too.

I love Yurio like a little brother, but I was furious when he found me on the beach, in the middle of my thoughts. I had always known that he was selfish, that his selfishness was on a whole other level than I or Yuri have ever displayed. I know that he regrets his words now, that he has grown up since the time when he wanted Yuri to get out of his way so that he could be the most extraordinary, but...

I wanted to do a lot more than grab his chin, daring him to say his shit straight to my face. My hands shook because I wanted to slap that terrible selfishness out of him. Ridiculous boy... I'm glad I turned away, dismissed him. He wasn't worth answering.

I had gone there to think. To feel the weight of Yuri's agape, his unconditional love on my hand. I had never thought that I would wear a ring like it, on either hand. I had never imagined meeting someone like Yuri, someone who would inspire me the way he had, someone who I cared about that much; as Chris put it, someone I wanted to protect. Now that I had him, I almost felt afraid. I was going to have to learn how to keep him, and I wasn't entirely sure if that was something that _could_ be learnt. I had already learnt that it was no easy thing to get Yuri to fall in love with me back; it's the most patient I've ever been in my life. What difficulties lay ahead?

Yurio kicking me in the back like a brat was a tiny taste of some of the worst that would come over the years. We live in the world of instant media; for all the support and admiration we receive, we also get hate and bile. Yurio calling Yuri a pig like that, and his ring, and all it stood for, incompetent garbage... that's nothing. But I had more important things to consider than waste energy responding to Yurio's immaturity, hence why I only smiled when he mentioned Hasetsu. We'll always have that time, so I have to forgive him. He's made it up to us over the years.

I remember, vividly, what he said as we waited for Yuri to come out of surgery in St Petersburg.

_"If you abandon that damn pig now, I will hunt you down and really make you dead. Got it?"_

I was too stressed to understand what he was really trying to say. I think I said something back like, " _do you honestly think so little of me that you think I would do that?"_  He was silent for a long moment, for once not rising to fight back. Then, just as I had turned away, I heard him say it.

_"Gomen'nasai."_

The flood gates opened. And I thought  _I_  was bad with crying people. This is why, despite his many faults, Yuri and I love Yurio like he's family, why we believe in him. When it really mattered, Yurio did right.

But I'm procrastinating now. After Yurio left, I too thought of the beach in Hasetsu, and how I had said once that it reminded me of St Petersburg. I went back to the room, thinking of how I wanted to show Yuri my hometown, wondering what he would think of it.

I knew he was pretending to be asleep when I got in. He had my ring on his finger, his hand up by his face on the pillow. I took his hand, waited for him to drop the pretence, slid under the covers with him, ignored him when he complained that I felt cold, and made love to him. After, when I could think again, I told myself that after the Grand Prix Final was over, no matter the outcome, I was going to ask him to move in with me. I didn't care where, and at the end of the day, I was glad I hadn't said anything.

* * *

* * *

I hadn't planned on rings. Singular or plural. I didn't go to Barcelona thinking I was going to get something like that for Victor, let alone 'get engaged' or 'married' or anything. I did want to get him something though, something special. Then it all got a bit warped with mis-understandings and jokes. It was only meant to be one...

 _"Yuri..."_ I turned my head. Victor cleared his throat and smiled shakily at me.  _"We... we're going to need two..."_

So it became a pair. I tried really hard to not think too much of it... as if the stakes weren't high enough going into the Final. Besides... I... I didn't want to get married.

I wasn't in the same place as Victor. He was about to turn twenty-eight, he didn't want to be in short term flings and flirtations anymore, looking only as far forward to the end of the season. I was just twenty-four, very new to love, and I was on the verge of telling him that I was done with competitive skating, that all I needed to do was do myself and my career justice. And I knew - well, believed - that I would be an obstacle to his comeback to the ice. I wanted to see him skate again... so I'm sorry to say that for me, it really wasn't a proposal. It really was just a thank you.

Back then, anyway. I'm twenty-six now, and my career as a coach/choreographer is, hopefully, just beginning. The future looks good from here.

Back then... sometimes it makes me laugh a little. What a mess I was! I was painfully jet-lagged - it took us 30 hours to get to Barcelona, and that's just the bit between take-off at Fukuoka and landing in Barcelona, not getting to and from airports and checking in and security and waiting at gates. Even in First Class - Victor insisted - and landing at night time so I could just fall into bed at the hotel, I was all off for a while. Victor found it easier to adjust, and went off to relax and enjoy himself. And think too much, it turned out.

**[Pot. Kettle.]**

When I finally did wake, my head was... it wasn't in the best of places. It was stuck on the ice in Sochi. I needed Victor's faith more than I had expected, to remind me that we were both a far cry from then.

That was a weird evening. After I was sandwiched between two popsicles, Victor got in the bath to warm up, leaving the door wide open so that he could carry on chatting, whilst Chris lounged on his bed, ordering proper coffee and more cava from room service. I'm amazed neither were more hungover the next day.

**[At least we didn't pole dance...**

**...]**

I do remember... everyone's photos and the videos brought it back. At the time, I thought it was just a dream when I woke up with one of the worst hangovers of my life, and then no one said anything. I thought the strange looks were just pity, because I'd flopped so badly. No, that's not true... I  _hoped_ that that was all it was.

But let's not talk about that.  _Any_  of that.

Because I overslept through the day I couldn't get to sleep easily that night, though Victor had no issues. The beds were a little too narrow to sleep together comfortably, so he'd yanked the bedside table between the twin beds out and pushed them together, allowing only a few inches so that the phone fit, squashed in between on the floor. He slept at the edge of his bed, towards me, his beautiful face lit by the star light streaming in. I didn't want to disturb him, so I lay there in the dark, lit by my phone.

Lonely Planet said... I finally fell asleep, planning where I wanted to go with Victor once practice was over. I wanted to make the most of it,  _all_ of it. I woke to Victor kissing me, making a joke about Snow White. I'm not sure who the seven dwarves would be in that equation... Yurio would be Grumpy, of course...

What an amazing city though. I really had fun with him, seeing the _Sagrada Familia_ , the _Arenas de Barcelona_ , the _Plaza de Espana_ , the Venetian Towers, and shopping on _Passeig de Gracia_. Thinking of it, I can't wait to go on vacation with Victor, now that he's retired. We haven't figured out where yet, but it needs the Ss. Sun, sea, sand... eh... anyway, I really was enjoying myself, even if I did end up getting worked up over those nuts, and half distracted looking for inspiration. Victor was having fun too, even though I know he was worried about me. Every now and then he would stop and study me, as if gauging how anxious I was. I was anxious, but... that was tomorrow, and I'd gotten that far. No use thinking too much about it, so I distracted myself as we went shopping - or rather, Victor went shopping. I thought I'd see something in the market that would strike me as perfect... when I saw Maria Dolores... I knew.

The look on his face... I don't think I've shocked him so much.

To this day, I still go by what he said to me outside Barcelona Cathedral. It might be other skaters doing the moves on the ice for me now, but I still skate the way I like best for him.

* * *

To be continued...


	12. Eleventh Skate - Don't doubt your decisions

_The Draft_

* * *

ELEVENTH SKATE

_Don't doubt your decisions_

* * *

_I don't want to leave. What a special place._

_Not many people have much reason to come to Hasetsu. The economy is failing here, so people are actually leaving, so I'm told. The Katsukis' onsen is doing fine, helped by their son's fame, but otherwise... there's a fake castle, a nice enough beach, but we're not really on any tourist route. People will forget that this was the hometown of Yuri Katsuki, that Victor Nikiforov came here out of the blue and catapulted him to success. It'll be a point on their Wikipedia pages._

_Yet I understand completely why Victor hasn't left, despite two seasons back on the ice. There are better ice rinks to practice on, chief among them the one in St Petersburg that he left three years ago, returning only for brief period in order to re-qualify. But here, there is family, which counts for a whole lot more. And the weird squid-urchin statue at the train station..._

_The whole Katsuki family were waiting for me to say goodbye. I know that this is part of their hospitality, but Toshiya Katsuki shook my hand warmly and Hiroko bowed low, welcoming me back anytime, saying that there will always be a place for me to stay. Mari handed me a bento box for the train with a wink - please be more katsudon - and joked that she hopes the lovebirds next to my room didn't keep me up._

"Mari-neechan!" _Yuri blushed. Victor just smiled, lent across and kissed his boyfriend squarely on his cheek, making him blush harder._

None of them reacted _. It's only really occurred to me now. I mean, they did, everyone has a response to couples showing affection to each other, but it was... Mari just rolled her eyes, and both Yuri's parents smiled, as though it were no different. As if Victor was a_ girl _friend, like there isn't a distinction. I still remember how nerve-wracking it was when I brought my first boyfriend home as a teenager still, and being terrified of my family's reactions to my boyfriend's affections. Yuri is lucky; mine never said anything, but even today they're not entirely comfortable with it. I can see their spines straighten, see them look away._

_I'm early for the train. We got some drinks from a vending machine and sat in front of the squid-urchin statue. Crap... I'm running out of time, and I want to know how Yuri's Grand Prix ended for him._

_I know, of course, that as the first skater on the ice, ramping up the difficulties in his jumps in order to stand a chance against his fellow finalists, a single hand on the ice was damaging. In that season, no one had seen him collapse to the ice at the end like that, even though the performance was still superior to his previous year's. It's a pity; with Victor kissing his ring before he skated, the narrative of_ Eros _in Barcelona felt different; there was confidence oozing out of that androgynous costume. The maid had grown up, found her man, cast aside doubt and temptation, and claimed the right one for her._

 _Yuri looks at me in amusement as I tell him that's what I thought, and nods._ "A-Arigato. I... I think you're right. Honestly at the time I was barely thinking though."

 _He goes quiet. He doesn't need to tell me that he felt his failure to score higher at the GPF Short Program bitterly. There were flawless performances of it to come in the season - his final Personal Best for the Short Program was an eye-watering 115.12 at the Boston World Championships, but..._ Eros _never surpassed_ Agape _._

 _Victor smiles understandingly, and threads their fingers together._ "I remember wanting to go on to the ice to get you so badly. You didn't move for ages. I was about to beg for someone's skates when you finally got up, but you looked so furious with yourself I couldn't bring myself even to hug you."

 _Yuri smiles apologetically at that, squeezes his fingers back._ "Hmm. I'm glad Phichit-kun was on straight after me." _He turns back to me, back with us._ "Back in Detroit, Phichit had told me he wanted to skate to  _The King and the Skater_  at a major competition, and that he wanted me to be there too. Even after my short program, I was glad I could see it." _He turns back to Victor._ "We had a good view, until we were disturbed."

 _Victor laughs._ "Yeah, Yurio kicked us off the kiss and cry bench. Phichit was nearly finished." _He then turns unexpectedly serious._ "Yurio gave me this look..."

Hmm? _Yuri seems to know what he means however, and nods._ "He gave me one too. As though... he was sorry that I hadn't skated the way I had wanted. He wasn't smug about it."

 _It's been noted that Yuri did his interviews alone during Plisetski's_ Agape _. Victor was spotted watching from the stands in expressionless silence. The same expressionless silence now..._

 _Yuri chuckles._ "It was the ultimate diss, ne?" _Victor snorts, having not expected to be amused and he nods. The diss didn't last long though; Plisetski held the WR for only a year._ "That's when we both knew you'd be returning to the ice," _Yuri says quietly. Victor goes quiet again, but he nods as well._

_That surprises me. There were rumours at the time of the Barcelona GPF that Yuri was going to retire, that Victor was going to stage a comeback starting with the Russian Nationals. But instead he stayed with Yuri as his coach for the rest of the season, had intended to continue on indefinitely. So how did...?_

_Then they tell me of how Victor made his comeback._

* * *

* * *

It was Yurio's idea to bring Yuri home.

_"He doesn't have anyone in St Petersburg, other than you. That's not enough. Take him back to Hasetsu, where he'll have everyone. He needs katsudon."_

I don't know whether he thought that I would go back to Hasetsu with Yuri, but Yurio was right. Yuri needed to go home.

It was a horrible, _horrible_ flight back, as Yuri was in crutches, his leg in a cast after his operation, and he was on painkillers that made him loopy, and sick when combined with take-off. It was so uncomfortable when we got off the plane I had to ask for a wheelchair for him.

**[And the guy who didn't want blood on his suit didn't complain once. My saint.]**

I didn't feel saintly though. I felt useless.

Home worked though. His parents picked us up from the airport, and he fell into their arms, sobbing with relief. His appetite, gone from the stress of the hospital, returned the minute we came in and the smell of pork cutlet wafted in the air from the kitchen specially for him, even though it was the middle of the night. For a moment it reminded me of his first epiphany with  _Eros_ ; the transformative power of katsudon. Except I couldn't be eager anymore to see how it would change his skating... He slept well again, in the room we shared together; all my furniture was still there, undisturbed. Even Makkachin seemed happier.

I had to carry him up the stairs to bed, he'd fallen asleep at the table. I put him to bed, went outside and cried for a bit. It was the first time I'd carried Yuri to bed, and it was like that... painfully removed from what I had ever imagined. Hiroko-okasan found me, and let me weep into her bosom, thanking me for looking after Yuri so well. She told me that she had never seen her son so happy as he was with me.

But he wasn't happy... were you?

* * *

* * *

No... I wasn't...

Before I think of it, I need to remember. It's healed now. I can skate again. I can do jumps again if I want to. I run every day, train every day. It's over now.

_It's over now..._

I was itching to move, to skate, and having to remind myself of the obvious; I could barely make it downstairs without it being a mission.

I was trying so hard to put a brave face on it. Not just for Victor, but... for myself too. I remembered my depression from my abysmal year before he came into my life, or rather the depression that had already started and led into and worsened because of Sochi. I was determined not to end up like that, feeling so hollow and tired and defeated. _Particularly_ because of Victor, I didn't want to feel like that. I had him, he was there with me, loving me every day even though I'd messed up so badly. He could have left... Victor was my coach, he didn't have to be there anymore... but he wasn't going anywhere. His love should have been enough for me to be happy... of course, life isn't like that.

I kept having dreams of performing  _History Maker_. Before I fell, Ketty had edited it for me to the right length for the Short Program, and I had been fine tuning the choreography, still deciding which jumps to put in. During the day I kept humming the tune, suddenly find myself moving my arms, my hands, just as I had choreographed.

It was driving me insane, not being able to complete the program.

* * *

* * *

Something had to give.

I'd heard him humming it.  _History Maker_. And then catching himself and stopping, shaking his head at himself. Then he'd throw himself into his physiotherapy, determined to get better. I was there for every appointment, every time he wanted to go for just a walk I offered to go; sometimes he wanted me there, others he wanted to be alone, and that was fine. Makkachin went with him sometimes too. He never crossed the bridge to the castle though.

Then one day, I overheard him. I was heading back to our room, where I had let him sleep in, and I stopped just outside as I heard him hum absentmindedly again. I heard the moment when he realised and stopped. And then he continued, deliberately. I couldn't see him - I was outside in the corridor - and he couldn't see me, but... I could picture it. Him, on the ice in St Petersburg, just skating, earphones in, eyes closed, feeling out this tune he'd heard and liked. When he started singing aloud, I could see him practicing the program he'd made himself...

 _Don't stop us now, the moment of truth_  
_We were born to make history_  
_We'll make it happen, we'll turn it around_  
_Yes, we were born to make history..._

He finished, spinning to a stop in my head, and then there was silence. I heard the rustle of the bedsheets as he turned over, and the tell-tale choking gasps he makes when he's trying not to cry.

I fled.

I ran. I ran across the bridge, Makkachin right behind me. I seized my skates, and headed out on to the ice. I couldn't get it out of my head, his skating. We had worked so hard to create that program together... and I too was going crazy, not being able to skate either. A betrayal, I thought it would be, if I skated whilst he couldn't.

Yuuko closed the rink, dimmed the lights at the edge and switched on the spotlights, to make the world disappear for me, and left me to it. I didn't even need the music to play.

I did it, again and again and again. Until my feet hurt and I was sweating and exhausted and aching from pushing myself the hardest I had in a year. I had to... even in my head, I was starting to forget bits... if I'd let it, I would have forgotten entirely.

Gomen, Yuri.

* * *

* * *

Even then, I told you. What on earth are you sorry for?

That day I wondered where Victor was, he was gone all day. Then when he came home, late, he... he looked like he was glowing. I couldn't look away, I didn't know what it was. But he couldn't look back at me, looking guilty. For a moment... I was petrified.

Whilst he was in the bath, the Nishigori's came over for dinner. Yuuko-chan and Takeshi-kun seemed the same as always, but Axel, Lutz and Loop... they were deathly silent. I thought they'd had a fight or something.

 _"What's wrong?"_  I asked them. Even with my head worrying about Victor I could notice their marked quiet, like they had done something wrong, or were worried about doing something wrong.

Yuuko-chan blushed and apologised on their behalf sheepishly... like she was hiding something.

 _"He needs to see this!"_  Axel suddenly burst out at her mother. Her siblings nodded emphatically.

_"See what?"_

And, before their parents could stop them, they shoved a camcorder into my hands. I watched it once with them, and then asked Nishigori to help me up the stairs, sent him back with my apologies. I kept the camcorder, and watched it again. Repeatedly, until Victor came up.

There was no music, only the glide and scratch of his skates on the ice, but I knew those moves... over and over, I knew those moves. Looking up at him from our bed - his bed originally - as he stood in the doorway, I thought again how beautiful he was, even looking anxious and guilty.

 _"Will you be able to make it?"_ I immediately asked.

_"Huh?"_

_"Into the Grand Prix. Is there time to enter still?"_

Victor looked at me, horrified. Caught. " _H-Hai... If I make the qualifying score in St Petersburg, but..."_ He looked away. " _Yuri, I..."_  He had tears streaming down his face. He finally looked at me, looked at my leg that I had stretched out in front of me with the cast, and something switched. All of a sudden he was sobbing, and I had to beckon for him to come to me. He almost jumped into my arms, crushing me into the pillows, and I just held him, flummoxed as he cried and cried desperately whilst Makkachin whined and whimpered, worrying at him.

I was never naive to the fact that he was extremely stressed out during that time, but I must confess that was the first time I consciously admitted it to myself that he was  _suffering_. I'm so sorry Victor, for putting you through that. It must have been hell, watching me go through it, and then finding such euphoria from skating again.

Truly you are the most extraordinary person I know, for having gone through so much for me.

* * *

* * *

It was a long night that night.

By the time I got back to Yu-Topia, I had... I had an idea, and I was feeling guilty for thinking it. It felt horrifically selfish, even for me. But then I got back, and Yuri had already figured out that I wanted to return to the ice, and perform  _History Maker_  and _You Only Live Once_ , and win Gold with both at the Grand Prix. For starters. And he was already on board. More than on board. He was more excited about it than _I_ was. Which made me feel worse.

I had to point out to him that I would have to go back to Russia, at least for a while, to train with Yakov and enter a qualifying score for the Grand Prix. Assuming Yakov took me back, after I had left him high and dry after Barcelona. We both accepted that it wasn't a good idea to relocate both Yuri and Makkachin for that. In his heart I knew that Yuri wanted to come with me anyway, but he knew that it would upset his recovery, and we both dreaded the journey. He said that Makkachin was getting old, that it wasn't fair to drag him back again, that he was both happy and honoured to take care of him in my absence, genuinely.

_"If I get placed in the Grand Prix -"_

_"When. When you get placed."_

I smiled at that.  _"Okay, when... be my coach."_

 _"Huh?"_ I could still surprise him.

On this I was adamant though.  _"After I qualify I want to come back here, and train with you and -"_

 _"Victor, I..."_  And he looked helplessly at his cast.  _"_ _I... I don't think I'll be of much use to you, I can't go on the ice -"_

 _"You don't have to,"_  I argued back.  _"_ _But you can be there and watch, and cheer me on, and tell me when I need to work on improving something, or if I've got something right. I didn't always need to be on the ice with you."_ I just needed you there. " _I'll ask Minako-sensei if I can use her studio, ask for her instruction too. And I'll ask Nishigori to back me up, like he used to for you."_

I could see the moment when Yuri realised what I needed. He'd lived with me in St Petersburg for several months, knew that my life there was a lot more lonely than his. It was why I had Makkachin; I didn't have family like he did or friends like his. That used to be perfect; no distractions, and I had no expectations other than my own, no one to impress or make proud but myself. I was the sole source of strength;  _'I can only find new strength on my own'_ , I used to think. But Hasetsu had spoilt me. I was more worried about trying to qualify alone than the Grand Prix itself.

Yuri beamed.  _"_ _Okay. And I'll come to every -"_

_"No."_

_"Huh?"_

I hadn't wanted to say it, but...  _"_ _Yuri, you were in agony just getting here from Russia -"_

_"I was barely a week out of hospital, I'll be better by -"_

_"- And we don't know where I'll get placed, how far away I'll need to travel, and how you'll be by then. Don't make promises we don't know you'll be able to keep."_

He frowned at me, determined.  _"_ _I don't care. One way or another, I'll be there at all your events, not just in spirit. I promise."_

I was so glad when I got in the NHK Trophy, and that Phichit was at Paris. He took Yuri's place at the kiss and cry, looking out of place next to Yakov, with Yuri on FaceTime. It wasn't perfect, but it was better than nothing. We got lucky then.

You know that Phichit asked for my permission to steal you away for his  _The King and the Skater_  project? He was so cute about it. He genuinely said,  _can I borrow your husband...?_ He was so embarrassed when he explained what he wanted to do after the Grand Prix, even though I thought from the beginning that it was an excellent idea.

**[I can't believe he told you before he told me.**

**Only because what you thought mattered more to him. Remember how nervous he was when he came to Hasetsu to pitch to you? Even on the ice I've never seen Phichit sweat so much.]**

* * *

**I think he's missed his train.**

**Oh. Shimatta. When's the next one?**

**In an hour.**

**Oops. Let's get some more snacks then.**

**Victor.**

**Hmm?**

**Remembering all of this, even how things were at their worst... I don't regret any of it. Bits of it, yes, but... not the sum of it.**

**Watashi mo. Aishteru... although you could have been clearer when you said _lets end this_  in Barcelona. Christ... I never want to hear that phrase come out of your mouth again.**

**Heh-heh, hai. Gomen. Ya tozhe**   **tebya lyublyu.**

* * *

To be continued...


	13. Twelfth Skate - This was the time of a dime-a-dozen dreamer

_The Draft_

* * *

TWELTH SKATE

_This was the time of a dime-a-dozen dreamer_

* * *

_... Oops. Umm... I was so busy listening that I forgot the time._

_We're on the platform now instead, so I can't miss the next train. Although... I'm tempted to miss this one too. We've got this far now; I want to hear about Yuri's Free Program._

Yuri On Ice _is still the World Record holder, at 221.58, the only Free Program ever to score over 220. Both Victor and Plisetski have come close to breaking it - both have surpassed Victor's previous record - but neither have come up with the right formula to do so. Now it falls to Plisetski; and the next generation of skaters that he will face, to try to reset it._

 _Victor has never, despite being asked by the press, explicitly tried to reclaim the WR from Yuri, though... perhaps the same could not be said of the Short Program from Plisetski. His first year back, Victor's priority was winning Gold for Yuri's choreography. His second year, and last, was his final chance to express himself; his Short Program was set to the slow crescendo of_ lit(var) _, from_ Koe no Katachi _by Kensuke Ushio, and is said to express his relationship with Yuri. After talking for hours about how their relationship started, I can truly appreciate why the piece worked so beautifully; it starts cautiously, tentatively, playfully even, before crashing through with emotion, sweeping and jumping across the ice with happiness, strength and euphoria. The final thirty seconds are contented, spinning confidently, and ends with the exact same gesture as Yuri's free skate, stretching always towards his coach, his inspiration._

 _His Free Skate was to an orchestral cover of_ Shelter _, by Porter Robinson & Madeon, with the cover credited to Nathaniel Keith, and finished for the ice by Ketty Abelashvili, and conveys Victor's hopes for a bright, happy future with Yuri. The piece features a dizzying explosion of Abelashvili on the piano, accompanied by a full orchestra and Japanese drums, and to add to the dizziness, the jumps occurred in fast sequences, with barely ten seconds between them, with four packed into the final minute, but a final standing spin that finished on one knee. His highest score - his last ever - was 219.58, 2 points off Yuri's record._

 _His theme was called 'Love Too', or as it ended up being dubbed,_ Love 2 _._

 _As for Plisetski, he has struggled to make the right compromise to make the points to surpass_ Yuri On Ice _, perhaps lacking the stamina to pull it off. Where he attempted to focus on improving his technical scores with more difficult jumps later and later in the program, his presentation would falter for lack of energy and character, and where he would do the opposite he would lose the stamina to pull off his jumps. When the rumour started that Yuri was going to choreograph his next season, along with it came questions of whether_ that _would be the winning combo: the two Yuri's together as a team. Now that I know that Yuri has consulted Plisetski at the least, I can't wait to see what this season has in store, particularly with Leroy making a comeback, and Otabek Altin, Emil Nekola and Michele Crispino still strong, and Kenjirou Minami is once again expected to be invited._

_But that's all the future. Back to the past..._

_No one expected Yuri Katsuki to skate so sublimely when he took his place at the centre of the Barcelona rink. Both he and Victor had been mostly absent from the public eye, and lacking in cheer when interviewed by Stéphane Lambiel. Then they both cried before he started._

_Sitting on the bench on the platform, they both chuckle._ "We weren't crying," _Yuri corrects._

 _Victor nods._ "He told me to be myself. So I told him to hurry up and get me a gold medal so I could kiss it already."

_That... those were his last words of encouragement? Wow..._

_Yuri clasps Victor's hand and smiles at him._ "I'm glad we laughed like that. We were so miserable, leading up to that!"

"That was your fault," _Victor says admonishingly._ "Baka."

 _He says it gently, but there's a bone of contention that still has steel. Victor looks to Yuri, who nods, and then he turns to me to explain._ "The night before the Free Program, this idiot here told me that he was going to retire after the Grand Prix, and thanked me for all I had done. It didn't go down very well..."

_So there was truth to the rumours. Of course, Yuri didn't retire then, but others have said that the rumour affected many of the other skaters. Some have theorised that Plisetski's performance was both charged and dragged down by believing that he would not have Yuri as a competitor anymore, and scrapped through for the Gold by 0.12 points. Even Christophe Giacometti lost focus, and lost his last chance on the Grand Prix Final podium._

"We had our first proper fight of sorts," _Yuri admits, squeezing Victor's hand._ "And it was... it was the first time I saw you cry."

"Hmm." _Victor leans back against his partner and chuckles._ "I was so angry with you!"

 _Yuri chuckles too._ "I know. Gomen." _He looks over Victor's head at me._ "I... I was pretty selfish." _Victor nods emphatically. It's strange; this fight took place over two years ago, but it clearly still stings Victor, but Yuri makes no defence, honestly and openly admitting that he was wrong. No excuses. It's... refreshing._ "I thought that, after he'd seen Yurio beat his record and the others all do their best, that Victor wanted to return to competing, that I was in the way." _Victor flinches at that description, but remains silent so Yuri can keep speaking._ "I'd been thinking it before that, in Moscow when they were cheering his name. I thought I was done anyway, and that I ought to step aside. I never actually asked you what you wanted though, ne? I should have done."

 _Victor slowly raises his head from Yuri's shoulder and swallows bitterly._ "To be fair... I didn't ask you what you wanted either. I just assumed that things would continue as they were. My bad too." _Yuri smiles at that, and kisses Victor's forehead as he continues._ "We both agreed to make our own decisions after that... we shouldn't have done that either. Or..." _Victor frowns, suddenly unsure._

"No..." _Yuri says carefully._ "I think... I think it was good that we did that then, that we both decided separately and then came back to each other. We hadn't been together very long... I had to decide to finish the season on my own, and you had to decide too."

Decide... what?

 _Victor sits up from Yuri's shoulder, looking sheepish._ "Well... I  _did_  decide to return to competing on my own as well, I was going to prepare for the Russian Nationals; I even told Yakov and Yurio, and more or less explicitly said I was going to in Yuri's interviews. But then this one told me he was going to keep going, and I wanted nothing more than that. When I went to think about my own programs, all I could think of were programs for Yuri, so I delayed returning. Then he got injured, and those programs became mine after all."

 _Yuri smiles at him contentedly._ "Hmm. It was a bit bumpy, but it all worked out in the end. And I got you a Gold medal at the Worlds to kiss, just as you wanted."

 _Victor laughs._ "I kissed you instead though, didn't I?"

_On or at the ice's edge, on the grand stage as it were, rather than random photos on social media snapped by strangers, these two have kissed in public only four times. Their first, the most famous for being so completely unexpected, was at Yuri's Cup of China after his free skate. The second was when he came off the podium with a Gold medal at the World Championships, Victor seizing his face as Yuri held the medal out to him. The third was when Victor finished his World Record scoring SP at the Seoul GPF; he finished, immediately went to Yuri, lifted him up and glided backwards to cheer together, the pair of them with their fists in the air for victory, and Yuri, aloft, kissed him before Victor took him back to the kiss and cry._

_The fourth was only a month ago. For the post World Championship exhibition, Victor and Yuri performed_ History Maker _as a pair. To a standing ovation, Yuri kept Victor upright as he tried not to cry, obviously emotional from what was his final performance, and they kissed before making their final bows on the ice. Thus, Victor Nikiforov retired, his partner's hand clasped tightly in his._

_Strange to think that it could have turned out differently._

Why did you decide not to retire that year? _I ask Yuri. What did Victor say, I wonder, that changed his mind?_

"Yurio."

... Plisetski? What did he say?

"Nothing. It was his skating." _Yuri looks out from the platform, his eyes lit up, smiling with wonder._ "I watched him from the stands... couldn't look away. It... it felt like he was trying to tell me something."

What?

 _Victor swallows hard, startling me._ "I... When I told Yakov that I was going to be returning, Yurio... Yurio asked if Yuri was retiring then. I..." _Victor clenches his fists, and glances up at his partner. Yuri smiles kindly at him, mercifully._ "I hugged him, and told him that if Yuri didn't get the Gold, he wouldn't retire. I asked him to beat him, so that..."  _He trails off. He doesn't need to finish. So that Yuri would carry on skating._

 _Yuri picks up Victor's nearest hand, eases his fingers through to unclasp his fist, and whispers something in Japanese to him. Victor nods, breathes. Yuri then looks up at me proudly, and pulls them both forward._ "It... it worked. I worked out that, if I had gotten another Personal Best with  _Eros_ , even if Yurio landed his quad toe loop, I... I would have won the Gold. If nothing else, I wanted to do that. If I didn't try, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. Besides... it almost didn't matter. Yurio's skating was _incredible_. It made me want to keep skating with him like that."

 _Victor looks at him with such pride, even though it clearly hurts._ "And you were right." _He turns to me, bringing himself together with a weak chuckle._ "It's funny. Yurio's an arrogant, rude, spoilt brat, but he looked happier getting Silver at the Worlds than he did getting Gold at the Grand Prix that year. I'm going to miss skating against him as well. As competitors, it is a tremendous honour to have rivals who inspire us to do even better. Just like Christophe and I, the three of us will always be bound to each other by that, and I really hope that others come to fill the void that Yuri and I have left for him, that Yurio continues to redefine his limits. I look forward to being a footnote in the history of Yuri Plisetski, not him in mine."

_Yuri nods, humming in agreement._

_Yuri Katsuki is the World Record holder of the Men's Singles Figure Skating Free Program, a World Champion, a multi-gold winning coach, renown and respected skating choreographer, and Ambassador of Hasetsu, Saga Prefecture, Kyushu. He's 26._

_Victor Nikiforov is the World Record holder of the Men's Singles Short Program, Combined Score, a seven-time Grand Prix Final Gold medalist, seven-time World Champion, eight-time European Champion, and a gold medal winning coach and choreographer. He's 30._

_I'm... umm... a Media Studies graduate, and this is my first major scoop for a barely known winter sports magazine. I'm 23, I'm no one. But, for twenty four hours, I've been privileged to be a visitor of this little fishing town that barely anyone had heard of three years ago._

_And I've still not got what I need for my article._

_My train arrives, and I shake their hands, thanking them for speaking to me with a deep bow. Further down the platform, an old man is having trouble getting his bags on or off the train, keeping the doors open. Yuri goes to help, leaving me with Victor._

"Go on. Ask." _He grins at me._

 _I grin back, gratefully._ What are you going to do, now that you're retired?

"Hmm..." _He chuckles. He doesn't need to think about it, or pretend to._ "First, we're going on vacation, a long,  _actual_ vacation. Then..."

_The doors begin to shut, and I swear that this is what he says._

"I'll have to do the opposite of the opposite of what people expect. How else will I surprise everyone?"

_I still have so many questions. What the hell does that mean? What's he actually going to do? Where will he and Yuri go after this, both literally and figuratively?_

_They wave as the train starts to leave, with their left hands. The sun catches on their pair rings..._

_OH MY GOD. I completely forgot to ask, when Yuri won the World Championship they switched hands... MY BRAIN'S GOING TO EXPLODE... DID THEY ACTUALLY-?! EEEEEEEEEEE!_

* * *

* * *

Victor turns to me on the platform with a smile. "He was fun!"

I laugh despite myself. "What did you tell him as the doors closed? He looked like he was having a heart attack..."

He winks at me. "He asked what I'm going to do now. I said 'wait and see'."

I don't believe him for a second, which he knows. "Eh..." I shake my head and take his hand. "Kaerou?"

He nods, happy. "Hmm. Kaerou." And he swings his arm over my shoulders as we leave the station and head home. On the escalator he turns to me; I know what he's going to say. "I know you're sick of hearing this but... gomen, Yuri. I took your Grand Prix Final gold from you..."

I reach out and gently slap his scalp. He just takes it. "Yurio beat me, fair and square. You didn't take anything from me." He doesn't believe me. So I tell the real truth. "It hurt when you told me. It would hurt if I still didn't know that that's what you said to him. But it doesn't anymore. I don't want to know what life would have been like if I'd won."

I've heard the apology - and I know he means it, every time - but he's never heard me say that. He hugs me, for as long as the escalator allows us. "Ne, Yuri... let's find a vacation spot where no one knows of us, where the wifi and reception are really bad so no one can bother us, and..." He whispers right into my ear. "Where we can make as much noise as we like..."

I blush hard. Victor... we're at the train station... that sounds... _so good_... I nod. Yes, let's.

"And when we get back..." I pull back. He's being serious now. "... Let's move out."

I sigh with relief, and nod again. "Hmm. I think that's a good idea."

"I love your family, but we're too old to be living with your parents now," Victor says sagely. "And I'm going to get fat if I keep eating katsudon all the time."

That makes me laugh out loud. I can't imagine him fat. "Okay. Where do you want to live? We... we could go back to Russia, if you want."

He surprises me by shaking his head, and his hair falls over one eye. I follow my impulse and tuck it back, even though I know it'll fall back anyway. "No... I like it here. I want us to have our own place, but... I love Hasetsu. Let's think about the where more when we get back from holiday."

I nod. I like that plan. "Victor... what  _do_  you want to do, now that you're retired?"

He goes quiet. I wait.

"I think I'm going to write a memoir first."

I smile. "Of your career?"

He smiles, glad that I like the idea. "Hmm! And... of you.  _Us_. Is... is that okay?"

I nod emphatically. "Of course! Can I read it?"

"Mochiron! I'll need you to help me write it! I'm thinking..." And he looked back towards the station. "I'll ask him if he'll help. I'll email his editor tonight, come up with something. I'm not in a rush. Besides..." He turns back to me. "You're going to be busy when we get back; the next season."

I groan. I shouldn't, because I'm looking forward to it, but... I really do want to go on vacation first, before I get sucked in again. This year is going to be harder too. There's nothing official yet, but... Yuuko-chan's heard some things. The triplets are dying for it to be true. I have a feeling we're not going to be able to move out just yet, or it's going to be a bit awkward. But like Victor says, we'll figure it all out when we get back.

"Ne, Victor... I've been thinking..." And I take a deep breath. I'm hoping he's ready for this one. "No matter where we live or what we do... let's get a dog." I hear the breath catch in his throat and he looks at me wide-eyed. Shimatta. Maybe he isn't ready yet. "I... I miss Makkachin."

Victor stops, seizes me and pulls me into his embrace, burrowing his head into my neck. For a moment I don't get why, he's shaking in my arms. Then I feel him nodding against me. He yanks me back again, and he's smiling so hard his eyes are bright. He can't even speak: he just gives me a single, definite nod. It reminds me of when he heard  _Yuri On Ice_  for the first time.

I laugh. In a way, I hope I never get used to him, that one day we'll both be white-haired and fat and still it'll feel like this when he so much as looks at me. This is better than skating. Better than katsudon.

Better than gold.

* * *

* * *

Whatever I did in my past life to deserve this life that I have lived thus far, I must have truly been a saint.

For over twenty years, I thought once, I had neglected both life and love. For the last three years I have had both aplenty. Now that I'm retired, I can focus exclusively on both. I thought, when I announced my retirement a year ago, that I would regret it, that I would be itching for the ice again. Maybe it's too early to tell, but I actually can't wait to see what happens now.

I'm thinking of island hopping somewhere. Somewhere we can take amazing photos, meet people with completely different lives. I want to read books on a towel on a sandy beach, I want the smell of sun block. I want to swim in crystal clear waters, seeing amazing fish, eat seafood with Yuri without restriction. I want to kiss him whenever I want, without worrying in my head who's going to see because  _no one_  is there to see.

I'm thinking that, at some point, we need to have another talk about... about getting married, or something like it. I feel nervous just thinking about it...

I joked in Barcelona that when he won me a gold medal we'd get married. When he won the Worlds, we both swapped our rings on to our left hands, but... we talked about it. We can't get married here in Japan, nor in Russia, and if we got married somewhere else, legally it still wouldn't mean anything in the places we call home, and it's a fight that neither of us want to be involved in, as selfish as that may sound.

We are lucky, Yuri and I, to be supported as ourselves together, without hesitation, by those who mean the most to us. That's one thing I'm curious about... how to make it easier for others to get into our sport, in any sport, in any life, to be able to happy like we are. I think of Chris, of some of the crap he dealt with as a gay, elite sportsman. I am lucky.

Speaking of, Chris got back in touch recently. We became a bit estranged after Yuri's Grand Prix, Chris' last final. Cheering him on from the kiss and cry didn't help... he missed the podium for the first time in years. He couldn't quite forgive me, I think, for picking Yuri over him, and Yuri proving why. I don't blame him; it's nice to catch up now. He's some kind of sports ambassador, in particular promoting sports for LGBTQ+ young adults, for the IOC. It sounds incredible. I... I want to do the same. The next generation of sportsmen and sportswomen should be anyone.

Chris once asked me when I fell for Yuri. There's no precise moment - I remember the butterflies in my stomach when he drunkenly asked me to be his coach in Sochi, and how astounded I was when I saw the Youtube video of his rendition of  _Stay Close To Me_. I do remember when I noticed him for the first time; when he was checking in with Celestino, wide-eyed from his first time at the Final. I thought he was shorter at first, but then he took to the ice and stopped slouching, and I realised that he was only a couple of inches shorter than me, not half a foot as I originally thought. He had a nice ass... and those big, brown eyes that were impossible not to notice, even when they were hidden by his glasses, particularly when they were off.

Then he noticed me staring during the six minutes practice, yelped, and skated away shyly. I remember feeling vaguely flattered, to have such an effect on this cute Japanese boy. And now I've got him all to myself.

What fools everyone has been, underestimating Yuri. Even now, two years off the competitive circuit, I could spend forever running my eyes over his musculature... his straight, narrow nose, the line of his jaw, his thick, black hair that I can't wait to go grey so I can tease him for it. Everyone says that  _I'm_ the pretty one, yet I've never found a flaw in Yuri's face. Whenever I get close I still want to seize it, and kiss those soft lips of his until he struggles for breath. He's the beautiful one.

What a life we have led together. After Barcelona, he competed in the Japan Figure Skating Championships, just in time to give me a gold medal for my twenty-eighth birthday. Hiroko-okasan made me a cake; it was the first time since I was a kid that I had properly celebrated my birthday. Then we moved back to my flat in St Petersburg, trained alongside Yurio. Yuri and I went and cheered for him at the European Championship in Bratislava, Slovakia; he grumbled about it, but when he won he forgot to pretend that he wasn't glad we were there. The World Junior Championships were held in Debrecan that year; Yurio dragged us - I say dragged, we were both happy to go and cheer the next generation on - there to watch before we all left for the Seniors in Boston where Yuri finally got his international Gold. Then...

I can still see the scars on his knee. Old surgical white lines. You wouldn't notice them if you didn't know that they were there. I always notice. It's the one bit of his body that I hate, the reminder of how he didn't get to fulfil his promise to me, and why I have never pushed him to return.

I can't talk, of course. And I suspect, in his way, Yuri is still holding to his promise to me the best way he can; I asked him to keep going for five more years. For the last two, he helped me back to the top of the podium. I have no doubt that for the next two years, whoever wins gold will only do so because of him. I know that his coaching and choreography are his way of making up for the time we didn't get to have competing like we intended at the end of Barcelona. I could see it in Minami, even though Yuri thinks that the choreography he made for the young man was nothing like his own style. Even though he coached us both that year, Yuri approached us very differently. For Minami, he was a teacher. For me, it was a conversation, about the narrative, about how it felt, how it would be perceived. It was refreshing; Yakov was more militaristic, focused on perfection. For Yuri, imperfections told their own story, had their own place; he found beauty in them.

After the Grand Prix that season, the programs tested and perfected, I went back to Russia to train with Yakov again for a couple of weeks to ramp back up for the Russian Nationals, the Europeans and the Worlds, whilst Yuri went to Bangkok with Phichit to begin work on  _The King and the Skater_. Then we reunited in Hasetsu, and whilst I trained with Nishigori, Yuri made use of the Ice Castle to flesh out ideas for Phichit before training with me. He was busy, but he was happy, and it kept him facing forward with me. After years of using the strength of others to get on to the ice, he used his to get us all on instead.

When I told him that this was going to be my last season, he devoted his time almost exclusively to me. We worked on  _lit(var)_ and  _Shelter_ together, skated together, skating the way we like best. I wanted to enjoy every second I had on the ice for my last year. I wanted Yuri, who attended every event, to enjoy watching. I wasn't concerned with World Records, not even reclaiming the one he took from me. I just wanted one last set of golds, because the life and love that we put on the ice deserved nothing less.

I was so emotional when we did our exhibition after the Worlds. My last turn on the ice, and I got to do it with Yuri. He got to perform  _History Maker_... I'm going to cry now, thinking about it. I'm so glad... I spent so long thinking it wasn't fair that he couldn't do it. I was so glad that, at the end, Yuri got to skate like he wanted to, the way that had been stuck in his head for so long. Ureshī...

Yuri once said something - he was a bit tipsy, he gets poetic when he's in the mood, it was at the Barcelona banquet - and it's always stuck with me.

**Remember it?**

**Hmm. _There's a place you just can't reach unless you have a dream too large to bear alone. We call everything on the ice 'love'._**

**Yuri... my everything. I'm so looking forward to carrying our dreams together.**

* * *

 

* * *

To be continued in

_Everything on the Ice_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes the first arc...
> 
> The second is still being compiled. Originally there was just going to be an epilogue, but then... I tossed it, it was crap. Bits of it have survived, but most of it just no.
> 
> This is the first time I've put a whole work up simultaneously... if you've made it this far, you're a god damned saint. Don't worry, there's more to come, because I'm loving writing the second arc.
> 
> Please let me know what you think, or if you find any gaping holes. This will get re-edited again to get rid of any leftover errors, and where I still don't like a line. If anyone wants to volunteer as a beta, just give a buzz!
> 
> And... thank you. If you're reading this, really. Thank you.


End file.
